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2022年1月浙江首考英语读后续写精深分析与下水范例
【真题呈现】
When Dr. Gullickson was assigning project mates for his introduction to experimental psychology class, I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with. Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the intense, fiercely competitive, singularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match. As fate would have it, Dr. Gullickson very deliberately matched everyone in class and announced that I would be working with the one person in class I wanted to avoid.
I went up to my new teammate and introduced myself. He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a nosedive. He wasn't outright mean or abusive. He just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.
Needless to say, I didn't look forward to an entire term of being brushed off, but I tried to make the best of it and didn’t say anything, lest I make things worse.
The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis，set up an experiment to test the hypothesis，run the tests，do the statistical analysis and present the findings. Whatever grade the team received would be shared by both students. When my teammate and I met to discuss our project, I was uneasy. Here was this challenging student who had a reputation for single-mindedness and good grades the exact opposite of me. I was outmatched. I actually wanted to drop the class at one point，but stopped short because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.
After lengthy discussions，we somehow agreed to do a study on the tactile-kinesthetic perception of space. I wasn’t sure what it meant，but at least we had a topic.
Paragraph 1:
We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans._____________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
Paragraph 2:
One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease.
【语段解读】
①When Dr. Gullickson was assigning project mates for his introduction to experimental psychology class, I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with. Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the intense, fiercely competitive, singularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match. As fate would have it, Dr. Gullickson very deliberately matched everyone in class and announced that I would be working with the one person in class I wanted to avoid.
【概要】故事发生的背景，古利克森教授指定项目搭档，命运弄人，我的搭档是我最不愿碰到的家伙
【Character】the author；the guy in black； Dr. Gullickson
【Connection】a project on psychology——全文链接人物与情节的关键线索
【Origin】The author’s expectation Versus her tutor’s assignment
②I went up to my new teammate and introduced myself. He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a nosedive. He wasn't outright mean or abusive. He just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.
【概要】搭档的特性，其实也就是我不愿与他搭伙的原因，高冷、优秀，擅长单打独斗
【Personality】Indifferent;Somewhat cynical（愤世嫉俗的）；pursuit for perfect-ism——贴合人物性格展开情节
【My feeling】The project was more his own than our shared
③Needless to say, I didn't look forward to an entire term of being brushed off, but I tried to make the best of it and didn’t say anything, lest I make things worse.
【概要】作者的纠结，遇到这样的一个搭档，那么只能少说以免出错。
【Indicated personalities of the author】Considerate；cautious；ambitious
【Likely Theme】在与队友合作的过程中提升自己；发挥主观能动性证明自我价值
④The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis，set up an experiment to test the hypothesis，run the tests，do the statistical analysis and present the findings. Whatever grade the team received would be shared by both students. When my teammate and I met to discuss our project, I was uneasy. Here was this challenging student who had a reputation for single-mindedness and good grades the exact opposite of me. I was outmatched. I actually wanted to drop the class at one point，but stopped short because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.
【概要】项目的操作流程，提出假设——实验测试——数据分析——得出结论。作者感到be Outmatched，因为自卑一度想要放弃，但最终还是坚持了下来。
【提示】可以在后文提到完成项目的步骤，减弱日常刻板印象的动作描写
⑤After lengthy discussions，we somehow agreed to do a study on the tactile-kinesthetic perception of space. I wasn’t sure what it meant，but at least we had a topic.
【概要】介绍了项目内容，青少年心理健康问题，这也是两个人拥有共同话题的开端。
【写作分析】
本文语言风格简练，叙事主体客观，并没有掺杂过多的个人情感，并没有过多的进行动作和情绪的刻画，是本篇续写的语言特点。平时的续写教学中会构建语料库，主要从动作和情感着手，如果能从平时的语料中汲取部分，应付这篇续写是绰绰有余的。但严格意义上来讲，我们会发现这类的动作和情感并未有出现在原文中，原文中那种“碎碎念”更多的就是事件的简单介绍，而并没有深挖细节。因而从续写的协同角度来看，真正的上乘之作应该要考虑这一种接续。
本文情节发展为：“我”在完成心理学课程项目时匹配到性格不合的队友→分工合作，定期讨论→突遭变故，队友住院→完成项目。
需要重点把握事件发展和人物情感两条线索。故事开始时，“我”希望自己能够在轻松愉快的氛围中完成项目，老师却安排“我”和严肃自律的队友一组，“我”感到失望和担忧；随后“我”向队友介绍自己，他无视“我”，使“我”感到气愤和委屈；随着故事的发展，“我”和队友开始合作，过程中“我”虽然背负压力，但并没有退缩。在续写时需要体现双方是如何相互影响，并在合作中突破自身的局限共同成长的。在原文中，“He just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.”一句是伏笔，体现了“我”眼中的队友形象。在续写段落中，故事发生反转：队友突然重病使得完成项目的责任落在“我”的身上，此时情节与前面的伏笔相呼应。
本文中，“我”和队友是主要人物，为合作关系。促成合作的Dr. Gullickson为次要人物。在两位主要人物中，“我”的内心较为敏感，担心自己能力不足妨碍队友；同时又有较强的自尊心，不愿直接退课。而文中从“我”的视角出发对队友的描写也说明，沟通合作不是队友的强项。故事在塑造人物时使用了大量的心理描写，以“我”的心理为主（I secretly hoped… He just gave me the impression… I was uneasy… I actually wanted to drop the class at one point, but stopped short because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.）呈现了一个内心世界丰富的人物形象。在续写时，首先应注意人物性格与故事设定相吻合，如队友在前文中的性格是骄傲、独立，但并不刻薄，也不会对“我”恶语相向。下文可以结合这样的性格特点进行动作和对话等描写。
从原文和两段段首句可以看出，故事中的主要剧情发生在学校，续写时可以具体到校园中的某一个场景（如教室、实验室、图书馆等）。需要注意，在续写部分第二段如果情节涉及“我”和队友的当面沟通，场景可能切换到医院的病房中。故事发生的时间贯穿心理学课程的始终（可以推测为一个学期）。
本文在叙述中多次使用对比的手法，突出“我”和队友的不同之处，展现了两人从项目初期互不信任到后来逐渐学会合作的过程。
Setting： at school , everyday life
我们开始定期碰头制定计划.......
描写“我”和队友制订计划的情景，二人可能会尽力相互配合，也有可能产生摩擦。
阅读第二段段首句可知，在第一段结尾处，“我们”应该已经合作了一段时间，取得了一些成果。
【参考】1、Restate the roles in the project’s conduction
2、My tireless efforts may improve our relationship
3、Maybe the reason why he kept so secretive（可略写一笔，丰富内容）
【原文好句】I was floored by his cold and cynical response
I put in my two cents' worth whenever I could, but I still felt he was the driving force.
突然一天我得知他因为重病住院了........
Clue ： 突然一天我得知他因为重病住院了... 学霸有软弱的时候，学渣也有不可忽视的潜力
【参考】a) 得知队友住院，“我”的反应如何？
b) “我”会和队友进行怎样的交流？
c) 通过这次经历，“我”收获了什么？
【主题】“在与队友合作的过程中提升自己”结合故事情节可知，“我”在这次合作中获得了成长，“我”的努力付出也改变了队友对“我”的看法。
【升华】Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. 苦难显才华，富足隐天资。
文章和爱情并没有任何关系，其实更多的是讲述作者与搭档的友情
【语言锤炼】 基于原文本的模仿式写作
Language
动作描写
The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis,set up an experiment to test the hypothesis, run the tests, do the statistical analysis and present the findings. （动作链）
心理描写
I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with.
He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a nosedive.（虚拟语气表达作者的不满）
情绪描写
Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the intense,fiercely competitive, singularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match. （多个形容词，副词修饰，表达讨厌之情绪）
Imitate
1 动作链：
Without any delay, I packed up my school bag , took all the experiment statistics and rushed to the hospital.
2 心理描写
Developing the hypothesis, setting up an experiment to test the hypothesis,and running the tests were all his tasks alone , leaving me just standing beside him as if I were a fool. （虚拟语气表达作者的不满）
3 情绪描写
It turned out to be such an excellent , fast , amazing and persuasive study that my teammate and I did win the best grade .（多个形容词修饰，表达傲娇之情绪）
【优秀下水作文欣赏】
Version1
We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans. When I looked at my teammate’s serious face and bit the bullet to ask him some questions, he answered with his precise language and icy tone, which made me feel a mixture of admiration for his intelligence and discomfort about his indifference. To keep up with his pace, I completely gave up my idle ways and immersed myself in the project. Gradually, he changed his aloof attitude and even offered me help. It seemed that we had gone from strangers to comrades in arms.
One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease. That meant I would have to finish the project alone. I felt like I had been hit on the head by a mallet. To my comfort, as I expressed my concern by his bed, my teammate told me that he trusted me. I began to pour more energy into the project than I had ever done before. Finally, I was able to share our research findings with the class and succeeded earning a good grade for both of us. Tears of excitement and gratitude blurred my vision. But for my partner, nothing like this could have happened. So when he thumbed up with a rare big grin, it suddenly dawn on me that we were to become kind of lifelong friends.
Version2
We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans. Those discussions were tense and too serious for my taste, but gradually we started to reach a consensus. The outcome was a simple yet elegant experiment. Knowing my strengths and weaknesses all too well, I decided to focus on the task of working with the subjects, while he developed the scientific model. I put in my two cents’ worth whenever I could, hardly sparing a thought for my usual entertainment. To my delight, he seemed to accept me little by little, and would occasionally share his ideas with me.
One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease. When I visited him, I noticed for the first time a sense of vulnerability on the face of my stoic teammate. “I will complete our project,” I promised him. “Don’t worry, my… friend.” He made no remark, but a trace of smile crept onto his face. Throughout the semester, I did my level best to work on the project, and the effort paid off. We were awarded an A! Even better, I received a precious gift — the approval of a person who later became my friend for life.
Version3(个人下水，敬请指点）
We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans.Whenever we met, he would show every symptom of self-superiority, as if the project had been more his than mine.A frown nailed to his face,familiar seriousness notably conveyed in his tone, my teammate approached every detail with great singularity aim which thoroughly struck my heart, motivating me to try desperately to prove myself. Belief sparkling in heart, I conducted research on the topic and vigorously discussed with him. At one point. I summoned up my courage to point out one of his mistakes and awaited his cynical response.Nevertheless, he began to loosen his aloof demeanor, a complementary and ashamed expression blossoming up. Slowly but firmly, I could sense a brand-new partnership was forming.
One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease.Hardly had Dr. Gullickson informed me of that, a coursing current of general concern flooded into my inner world hence I paid him a visit . For the first time I spotted a sense of vulnerability on his firm face and his face could be etched with tremendous tiredness. I assured him that I would not let our shared commitment go wasted. Now that the formidable project was falling on my shoulder, I stayed up innumerable nights to run tests and analyze statistics. My effort eventually paid off as Dr. Gullickson awarded us an A.Sharing with him our shared triumph, I sprang up like an exhilarated elf, and he nodded with sincere approval. Enduring the following tough years, it dawned on me that my skills have been enhanced by our encounter, and it was this man who became my “unlikely hero”（另类英雄）.
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. 苦难显才华，富足隐天资。

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