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2022.2十校联盟 丢失的金戒指
第二节;读后续写(满分25 分)
阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
As a British living in Cape Town,I recently received the call that my father had passed away. After the funeral in England,my mother gave me a gold ring won for decades by Dad and before him, by his own father. I've never really been into jewellery, yet when I slipped the ring on my finger it felt somehow right. Consoled(抚慰)in my grief by Dad's beloved ring, I flew home to South Africa.
All went well until a windy Saturday when I walked on our local beach. As so often in the Cape, it was fiercely windy.When I got home and lit the fire,I looked at my left hand. The ring wasn't there. Awful emotions washed over me -shock, horror, remorse, anger, powerlessness, guilt - a potential life sentence of guilt. Hoping that it had not been dropped on the beach, I looked everywhere else. Maybe the car l searched every corner of it but fruitless. Maybe the house？ Nothing.
It must have been the beach, an area stretching 200 metres from the car park - the ring---a very small needle in an ocean.
I was out at first light the next day but with no luck, discouraged. My only hope was this - the wind had been so strong that the ring could have been buried. It might just be there, somewhere.
I swore to recover it no matter how much I would pay, so I contacted local metal detector users. Two came to help, one even lending me his gear(设备)."Take as long as you need," he said. Days of searching passed quickly, we found an old mobile phone, a 50 cent coin and a lot of bottle tops.
With my hopes failing, a third detectionist (探测者), Allan,called to help me.
注意:
1，所续写短文的词数应为150左右;
2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语;
3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好:
4续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Paragraph 1:
Three days later, Alan, with his acute gear, arrived.
Paragraph 2:
And there was a greater miracle.(共9张PPT)
The Lost Ring
Read the underlined words:
faith ring beach luck hope wind recover pay gear Allan
character:
setting:
objects:
emotion:
action:
Allan
beach
wind
ring
gear
faith
hope
luck
recover
pay
_____ recoved a ______ with the help of a _______.
tips: 划线单词能帮助我们对文章内容有个大致了解。
Read for the basic information:
who:
when:
where：
What:
I, my mother, two metal detector users, Allan
a windy Saturday
on the beach in Cape town
I lost my ring and tried to find it.
I got a ring after my father’s funeral, ______ was worn by my father and before him, by my grandfather. ________(console) in my grief by it, I flew home to South Africa. ___ a windy Saturday, I went walking on the beach _____ the ring. However, when I got home, I found it ______(miss). I searched everywhere but ________(fruit). I swore ______(recover) it no matter how much I would pay, I turned to the detectionists, one of ______ even lent me his gear. With my hope failing, Allan called to help me.
which
Consoled
with
On
missing
fruitless
to recover
whom
conflict: the ring meant a lot VS the difficulty in finding it
Read for emotion variation:
Paragraph 1:
ending....
never been into jewellery
felt somehow right
consoled
awful eomotion
hopeful, discouraged
exited
Paragraph 2:
a greater miracle
thrilled/surprised
tips:情感的变化是我们描写的重点
Read for clues:
With my hopes failing, a third detectionist (探测者), Allan,called to help me.
Paragraph 1:
Three days later, Alan, with his acute gear, arrived.
Paragraph 2:
And there was a greater miracle.
◆What did Alan do？
◆How did I do feel And what did I do
What was a great miralce
What did I do and feel
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
what was the greater miracle
Read for language:
动作描写
Consoled(抚慰)in my grief by Dad's beloved ring, I flew home to South Africa.（非谓语）
心理描写
Hoping that it had not been dropped on the beach, I looked everywhere else. （非谓语）
情绪描写
Awful emotions washed over me -shock, horror, remorse, anger, powerlessness, guilt - a potential life sentence of guilt. （无灵主语）
I was out at first light the next day but with no luck, discouraged.
语言描写
"Take as long as you need," he said.
tips: 模仿原文的语言，回扣原文
Imitate:
动作描写
在向他解释了戒指对我是多么的重要，我陪着他去往沙滩。（非谓语）
装备上他的设备之后，Alan 开始仔细的寻找，一寸又一寸。（非谓语）
在彻底的检查后，他肯定地告诉我这个戒指是来自南非的，指着上面的一行小字。
Having explained to him how important the ring was, I accompanied him to the beach.
Equipped with his gear, Alan started to search carefully, inch by inch.
After a thorough examination, he informed me firmly that the ring was from South Africa, pointing to the tiny words carved on it.
情绪描写
随着时间的过去，我的希望和耐心都消失了（无灵主语）
这正是我一直在找的。真神奇！
沉浸在极大的震惊中，我情不自禁说道，“多么大的一个奇迹！”
With time going by, my hope and patience faded away.
It was what I had been looking for all these days! Amazing!
Immersed in the extreme shock, I couldn’t help repeating , “ what a greater miracle! what a greater miracle!”
Paragraph 1:
Three days later, Alan, with his acute gear, arrived.” The lost ring means a lot to me !” I explained eagerly, “ Please help me !“ Equipped with his acute gear, Allan started to search carefully . A ray of hope was rekindled . Detecting the ring on the beach, however, was just like looking for a needle in an ocean. With hours going by , my hope, patience and expectation were disappearing gradually. Suddenly, a great miracle emerged when Allan held a gold ring to confirm if it was mine. It was exactly what I had been searching for these days. Amazing!
Paragraph 2:
And there was a greater miracle. After a thorough examination, Allan told me firmly that the gold ring must be from South Africa, pointing the tiny words carved in the ring. Unable to believe, I called my mother on the spot and was informed, “ It was gold that drew your grandpa to South Africa.” I was lost in my thought , astonished. The ring was taken by my grandpa to England , given to my father, then to me , and I took it back to South Africa,losing but regaining it with the help of the local people.“what a miracle, what a miracle , for me and for the gold ring..... ” I repeated the words, with the ring shinning in the sunshine of South Africa.(共11张PPT)
The Lost Ring
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
As a British living in Cape Town,I recently received the call that my father had passed away. After the funeral in England,my mother gave me a gold ring won for decades by Dad and before him, by his own father. I've never really been into jewellery, yet when I slipped the ring on my finger it felt somehow right. Consoled(抚慰)in my grief by Dad's beloved ring, I flew home to South Africa.
All went well until a windy Saturday when I walked on our local beach. As so often in the Cape, it was fiercely windy.When I got home and lit the fire,I looked at my left hand. The ring wasn't there. Awful emotions washed over me -shock, horror, remorse, anger, powerlessness, guilt - a potential life sentence of guilt. Hoping that it had not been dropped on the beach, I looked everywhere else. Maybe the car l searched every corner of it but fruitless. Maybe the house？ Nothing.
It must have been the beach, an area stretching 200 metres from the car park - the ring--a very small needle in an ocean.
I was out at first light the next day but with no luck, discouraged. My only hope was this - the wind had been so strong that the ring could have been buried. It might just be there, somewhere.
I swore to recover it no matter how much I would pay, so I contacted local metal detector users. Two came to help, one even lending me his gear(设备)."Take as long as you need," he said. Days of searching passed quickly, we found an old mobile phone, a 50 cent coin and a lot of bottle tops.
With my hopes failing, a third detectionist (探测者), Allan,called to help me.
Paragraph 1:Three days later, Alan, with his acute gear, arrived.
Paragraph 2:And there was a greater miracle.
split +3C
Setting： at the beach of South Africa
Plot（character）： 作者开篇交代：黄金吸引了很多人来到南非，而正是黄金恢复了作者对这个混乱国家的信心。接下来，围绕一枚金戒指展开故事，讲述戒指是爷爷传给爸爸，爸爸去世后传给作者，作者在英国参加完父亲葬礼后，回到定居的南非。偶然一天，戒指在海边沙滩上丢失了，作者疯了一般到处寻找，最后笃定一定是丢在海边沙滩上，并且希望被猛风卷起的沙子掩埋在某处。戒指对作者意义非常重大，他决定不惜一切代价将其找回，并且请了2名专业的勘察员，用专业的设备来探测，但是都无果。灰心之际，第三个勘察员Allan , 电话联系了作者。
三天后，Allan 带着他精良的设备，抵达沙滩.......
并且还有一个更大的奇迹.......
Theme（clue+conflict）
Conflict： 戒指对作者意义重大 VS 找回丢失的戒指如同大海捞针
Clue ： And there was a greater miracle. （这个更大的奇迹是什么呢？）
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
Two came to help, one even lending me his gear(设备)."Take as long as you need," he said.
突出的主题是： 人与社会 戒指在南非当地人的帮助下被找到，戒指是否有可能是爷爷当年来南非淘金时带回英国的？ 穿越时空的戒指让我对混乱的南非平添了信心（爷爷曾经来南非淘金+南非当地人对我的善意）
第一步：split +3C分析法
续写的最后一句可能性
版本（1）
With hindsight , had it not been for the recovery of the lost ring , I couldn’t have known my grandpa had been to South Africa, and realized the kindness from the local people , let alone have restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
版本（2）
Staring at the recovery of the lost ring , I felt as if it had been comforting me and saying “Your efforts to find me pay off ”
版本（3）
“what a miracle , what a miracle, for me and for the gold ring..... ” I repeated the words , with the ring shinning in the sunshine of South Africa.
第二步 续写情节构思
Paragraph 1:
Three days later, Allan, with his acute gear, arrived.
情境1 我急切地告诉Allan 这枚戒指对我有多重要
情境2 Allan 专注地帮我找寻
情境3 几个小时过去了，我快要放弃之际，戒指被Allan 找到
Paragraph 2:
And there was a greater miracle.
情境1 Allan 坚定地告诉我，这枚戒指是出自南非这块土地(刻着小字）
情境2 我向母亲求证，被告知爷爷当年确实来过南非淘金
情境3 出自南非的戒指，被带到英国，又被我弄丢在南非，穿越时空的戒指让我不住感慨
Language
动作描写
Consoled(抚慰)in my grief by Dad's beloved ring, I flew home to South Africa.（非谓语）
心理描写
Hoping that it had not been dropped on the beach, I looked everywhere else. （非谓语）
情绪描写
Awful emotions washed over me -shock, horror, remorse, anger, powerlessness, guilt - a potential life sentence of guilt. （无灵主语）
I was out at first light the next day but with no luck, discouraged.
语言描写 "Take as long as you need," he said.
Imitate
1 动作描写
After a thorough examination, Allan told me firmly that the gold must be from South Africa, pointing the tiny words marked in the ring. （非谓语）
2 心理描写
Unable to believe , I called my mother on the spot
3 情绪描写
With hours going by , my hope, patience and expectation were disappearing gradually. （无灵主语）
It was exactly what I had been searching for these days. Amazing!
4语言描写
“what a miracle , what a miracle, for me and for the gold ring .....” I repeated the words.
可以引用的词句
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just restored my faith in this chaotic nation.
-a very small needle in an ocean.
第三步 遣词造句
Paragraph 1:
Three days later, Alan, with his acute gear, arrived.” The lost ring means a lot to me !” I explained eagerly, “ Please help me !“ Equipped with his acute gear, Allan started to search carefully . A ray of hope was rekindled . Detecting the ring on the beach, however, was just like looking for a needle in an ocean. With hours going by , my hope, patience and expectation were disappearing gradually. Suddenly, a great miracle emerged when Allan held a gold ring to confirm if it was mine. It was exactly what I had been searching for these days. Amazing!
Paragraph 2:
And there was a greater miracle. After a thorough examination, Allan told me firmly that the gold ring must be from South Africa, pointing the tiny words carved in the ring. Unable to believe, I called my mother on the spot and was informed, “ It was gold that drew your grandpa to South Africa.” I was lost in my thought , astonished. The ring was taken by my grandpa to England , given to my father, then to me , and I took it back to South Africa,losing but regaining it with the help of the local people.“what a miracle, what a miracle , for me and for the gold ring..... ” I repeated the words, with the ring shinning in the sunshine of South Africa.The stranger and the ring
By Tim Butcher
Cape Town
Published
28 September 2015
When my father died he left me a ring that had once belonged to his father. But before long I was thrown into a panic - I had lost it. Racked with guilt, I turned to a stranger for help.
Gold drew many to South Africa and it was gold that has just reaffirmed my faith in this muddled, mosaic nation.
As a Briton living in Cape Town, I recently received the call nobody wants. My father had passed away. After the funeral in England, my mother showed me Dad's will. It mostly went to her with one named item for me - a gold ring, worn for decades by Dad and before him, by his own father.
I've never really been into jewellery, yet when I slipped the ring on my left pinky it felt somehow right. Consoled in my grief by Dad's beloved bling, I flew home to South Africa.
All was well until a wintry Saturday when I walked on our local beach. As so often in the Cape, it was fierce windy, a blur of sand and spindrift. When I got home and lit the fire, I looked at my left hand. The ring wasn't there.
An emotional tsunami washed over me - shock, horror, remorse, anger, powerlessness. And when it pulled back, all that was really left was guilt - a potential life sentence of guilt. Hoping against hope it had not been dropped on the beach, I looked everywhere else. Maybe the car I stripped it to no avail. Maybe the veranda where I dried off the dog No luck. Maybe the house Nothing.
It must have been the beach, an area stretching 200m from the car park - the ring, a very small needle in a very large and tidally wet haystack.
I was out at first light the next day but with no luck, spirits dimming. My only hope was this - the wind had been so strong the ring could have been buried. It might just still be there, somewhere.
I contacted local metal detector users. Two came to help, one even lending me his gear. "Take as long as you need," he said. Days of searching passed forlornly. I found an old mobile phone, circa 2001, a 50 cent coin and a lot of bottle tops.
I rang Mum that long week but was not brave enough to confess. If I had to tell her I had lost Dad's ring, I had to be able to say I had done everything humanly possible to find it.
With my hopes failing, a third detectionist - for that is how they like to be known - offered to drive from an hour away to help. "I have only one condition," he said. "I don't want payment even if I find something."
When things look too good to be true, surely life teaches us that is exactly what they are Was I being taken for a ride
So late on Sunday, eight days after the ring was lost, Alan arrived. Fluid dynamics of wet sand being what they are, by now the ring could have burrowed anything up to 50cm down. Was this the last throw of the dice
Alan surveyed the search area. He talked about the wind, the tide, the currents and then he got to work. Up and down he ploughed, earphones on, criss-crossing dry sand, wet sand and even the approaching surf.
His gear was so good, he was picking up something every three or four paces, ring pulls and other metallic junk, so I rather gave up watching closely every time he started to dig.
And then, a miracle. From a hole 40cm down, Alan had heaped wet sand and his eye, tempered by years of peering into briny swill, had seen something. Calling out for me to come over, calmly he said the best of words: "There's your ring, Tim."
This could not be happening. My eyes, prickly with tears and blurry with expectation, couldn't see straight to begin with. And then there it was, Dad's ring, his dad's ring, 90 years of accompanying the Butcher boys on life's journey and lost by me on a beach in Africa after a few weeks' custody.
Alan grinned, the kids capered, the dog joined in and for a moment all was madness. I hugged this big, bearded stranger.
And private though this miracle was, there was a greater miracle at work. My saviour refused all reward. He was firm, he was insistent. No, he would not accept a fee; no, he did not want petrol money; no, he did not want a celebratory drink nor fish and chips to drive home with. He wanted nothing more than to give something back.
I went down to that beach that day to find a ring. What I actually found was more valuable still - that there remain some decent souls out there. Now, at last, I can call Mum.

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