资源简介

(共34张PPT)
读后续写
----a letter to father
CONTENTS
01
文本分析 the understanding of the passage
02
抓伏笔自我提问建构情节
03
优秀习作和下水作文欣赏
04
类似话题续写语篇联系
目录
05
小情节语料积累
文本分析
1
主题语境：人与社会；话题：父子关系重建
Part
原文呈现
It’s hard to talk to dads sometimes. The roles we often expect our fathers to play-protector，provider-can make the m seem impenetrable(不可理解的). That’s how it was with my dad. He came to Canada at the age of ten and settled in an immigrant community. He was never much of a talker. He rarely drank, so we didn't get to see him loosen up after a few beers. He didn't tell stories about himself at the dinner table or when we went for walks in the park. He was a private person and seemed to want to stay that way.
Bringing up the many questions I had about life before I was born-his early hopes and dreams, loves and heartbreaks--let alone sharing my own feelings, felt like too much for us to handle. I didn't want to threaten the integrity （完整）of his hard shell. I had gotten used to it, and it made me feel secure.
But when my relationship and career took a hit a year ago at the same time, things had to change. I was facing serious questions about my own nature, and I wanted to know that he had faced them too. I needed to know how he had found his way, because I felt like I had lost mine.
In a severe moment of desperation, it occurred to me that sending an email might be the key. An email can be crafted （精心制作）slowly and carefully. I could speak at a comfortable distance and give him room to adjust. He'd be up in his office-a comfortable place filled with bookshelves, dusty CD-ROMs and piles of old newspapers. I'd be at my desk in an apartment 20 minutes away.
So I wrote to him. I told him about my regrets and fears, and I asked him to answer, if he felt like it, and to share something about himself, something that would give me much-needed perspective on my life, especially on relationship and career.
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box.
Para2: I closed the email and started to cry.
Read for the plot and emotions
(para1-2) Dad rarely shared his stories, feelings to me, and I get used to his privacy and hard shell.
(Para 3) As my relationship and career took a hit, I was at a loss, unable to find a way out. Thus I was desperate for Father’s advice.
Climax
(para4-5)I sent him a careful-written emails where I told him my regrets and fears, hoping he could share his own struggles and offer me some perspectives on my life.
Falling action
para 1 Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box
Para2 I closed the email and started to cry
sad but secure
low-spirited&bewildered
desperate
excited& moved
Relieved&happy
Read for the characters
Father
I (the son or the daughter)
important event:
important event:
awful emotions he might have had
awful emotions I had
Personality
Important decision I made to talk to my dad
He came to Canada at the age of ten and settled in immigrant community
My relationship and career took a hit a year ago at the same time
fears, loneliness, self-doubt, desperation
fears, regret, self-doubt, desperation
in the midst of struggles(在挣扎中)
self-disciplined ; determined; perseverant, but not talkative, somewhat private
I wrote an email to my father , hoping …
Read for the conflict
Father
I (the son or the daughter)
I was used to my father’s privacy and his hard shell. But as my relationship and career took a hit in a row, I couldn’t handle all by myself, and I was in desperate need for his help.
How did I get my father’s help
Would he open up his heart to me
一落千丈
What’s the problem I needed to solve if I wanted to interact with father
学生问题
1
2
学生在立意上，很多主要写道在爸爸的鼓励下，我克服了工作上的困难。
原因：没有把握原文的主要线索，即我和父亲之间找到的沟通方式，我工作上的困难只是转折点，促使我和父亲交流。
3
部分学生在第二段写道，我冲到爸爸房间，长久的拥抱爸爸，热烈的表达着情感。
原因：对原文人物性格没有很好把握，我和父亲都是比较内敛的人，都不善于表达情感。
The problems in students’ continuous writing
第一段：关于书信内容，部分学生全部使用“直接引语”；对于父亲信里的内容，学生具体到了父亲的某一件事情，如新到加拿大时，被欺负。未在信中给我提出有关工作和生活的建议；
原因：没有注意原文的语言，原文没有一处使用对话，写作语言风格和形式尽量与原文协同。没有把握原文关键信息。
抓伏笔自我提问建构情节
2
Part
It’s hard to talk to dads sometimes. The roles we often expect our fathers to play-protector，provider-can make them seem impenetrable(不可理解的). That’s how it was with my dad. He came to Canada at the age of ten and settled in an immigrant community. He was never much of a talker. He rarely drank, so we didn't get to see him loosen up after a few beers. He didn't tell stories about himself at the dinner table or when we went for walks in the park. He was a private person and seemed to want to stay that way.
Bringing up the many questions I had about life before I was born-his early hopes and dreams, loves and heartbreaks--let alone sharing my own feelings, felt like too much for us to handle. I didn't want to threaten the integrity （完整）of his hard shell. I had gotten used to it, and it made me feel secure.
抓伏笔自我提问建构情节
Self-Questions:
My father was hard to talk to .
Can I find a way to talk to my father and break his hard hell
If I talked to him, would he open up his heart What would he share with me
Can I write a last sentence that can echo with the first one
Design the possible plot:
If I found a way to talk to my father, he would open up his heart , sharing his stories, feelings, struggles with me.
Possible ending of my story:
I was delighted that I found a way to talk to my father and finally broke his hard shell merrily.
But when my relationship and career took a hit a year ago at the same time, things had to change. I was facing serious questions about my own nature, and I wanted to know that he had faced them too. I needed to know how he had found his way, because I felt like I had lost mine.
In a severe moment of desperation, it occurred to me that sending an email might be the key. An email can be crafted （精心制作）slowly and carefully. I could speak at a comfortable distance and give him room to adjust. He'd be up in his office-a comfortable place filled with bookshelves, dusty CD-ROMs and piles of old newspapers. I'd be at my desk in an apartment 20 minutes away.
So I wrote to him. I told him about my regrets and fears, and I asked him to answer, if he felt like it, and to share something about himself, something that would give me much-needed perspective on my life, especially on relationship and career.
抓伏笔自我提问建构情节
Questions:
1. Why did I want to communicate with my father
2.Would father write me back What would father write in his email
3. Would email be a good way for us to communicate
I was in the midst of struggles, I needed him to help me find my way.
Yes, he definitely care about his son.
his own story, perspectives on my relationship and career
Design the possible plot:
I received my father’s response. (首句已给)
He wrote a long letter to me. In his letter, he wrote about his stories and his feelings---worries, fears, self-doubt . He offered me some practical suggestion on how to cope with my relationship and career.
We later used emails to exchange feelings and thoughts.
But when my relationship and career took a hit a year ago at the same time, things had to change. I was facing serious questions about my own nature, and I wanted to know that he had faced them too. I needed to know how he had found his way, because I felt like I had lost mine.
In a severe moment of desperation, it occurred to me that sending an email might be the key. An email can be crafted （精心制作）slowly and carefully. I could speak at a comfortable distance and give him room to adjust. He'd be up in his office-a comfortable place filled with bookshelves, dusty CD-ROMs and piles of old newspapers. I'd be at my desk in an apartment 20 minutes away.
So I wrote to him. I told him about my regrets and fears, and I asked him to answer, if he felt like it, and to share something about himself, something that would give me much-needed perspective on my life, especially on relationship and career.
抓伏笔自我提问建构情节
Could I design such kind of plot
After I read my letter, I rushed to his room and hugged him for a long time, whispering in his ears, “ Thank you, Dad, I love you.”
Background information: 美国人在18岁以后，就搬离父母家，独自在外租房。成年人一般不和父母住在一起。 而且原文有提到apartment，可见作者是没有和父母生活在一起。
Design the plot based on the given sentences
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box._____________
Para2: I closed the email and started to cry. _____________________
Q1 ____________________________（与首句衔接）
Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)
Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)
Q4_______________________________(与第二段首句衔接)
Q1 ____________________________（与首句衔接）
Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)
Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)
Q4_______________________________(与原文首句回应)
Design the plot based on the given sentences
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box._____________
Para2: I closed the email and started to cry. _____________________
How did I react to his response. （与首句衔接）
What was his letter like , a short one or a long one （情节推动1）
What was in his letter （情节推动2）
How did I feel while reading his letter （与下段首句衔接）
Why did I cry （与首句衔接）
What did I decide to do
Did any changes happen after we exchanged our first emails What were they （情节推动2）
4. I eventually found a way to talk to my father and merrily broke his hard shell.（呼应原文首句，点明主旨）
Design the plot based on the given sentences
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box._____________
How did I react to his response.
2. What was his letter like , a short one or a long one
3. What was written in his letter
4. How did I feel while reading his letter / what was his comment on his letter
felt pleasantly surprised/excited quickly click the email heart beating wildly
a long one, a three-page letter; carefully written, in a tender tone
his stories and his feelings---worries, fears, self-doubt .
He offered me some practical suggestion on how to cope with my relationship and career.
Felt moved. Felt like father talking to me face to face
I got the sense that….
I was impressed by
I immersed myself in his happiness/ laughter and sorrows/tears
Design the plot based on the given sentences
Para2: I closed the email and started to cry. _____________________
Why did I cry
I cried because… I cried also because….
A long-buried misunderstanding gave way to trust of each other.
2. What did I decide to do
to write him back, expressing my thanks ; keep interacting with him by sending emails.
3. What changes happened after our communication through emails
more email exchanges, know more about each other, life became more manageable and sweeter
4. I eventually found a way to talk to my father and merrily broke his hard shell.
下水作文和优秀习作欣赏
3
Part
优秀考场作文
习作点评：
该考生在有限的时间内，抓住了原文伏笔即“ He came to Canada at the age of ten and settled in an immigrant community.”
以及作者要求爸爸写的信的内容，和爸爸的一些性格特征。情节合理，可读性强。
该习作语言错误少，而且词汇丰富，句式结构多样。有心理描写，还有烘托心理的环境描写。是一份优秀的考场习作。
下水作文1：
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box. I clicked the long-expected emails with my trembling hand. On the screen was his three-page letter, which was not typical of him to share so much with me（衔接句1）. Apparently, the safe distance online made it easier for him to open up his heart, the one I had long expected since I was a small boy. Overwhelmed by a mixed feeling of poignancy (酸楚)and happiness, I read his letter carefully, word by word（情节推动1）. In his letter, he first apologized for not being a good father as I had anticipated, then shared his inner fears, uncertainty when first coming to Canada, and the happy stories between him and Mother .He also offered some advice for my future career and relationship（情节推动2）. Reading his letter made me feel like talking to him face to face, and I immersed myself in his sorrows and happiness.（衔接句2）
para2: I closed the email and started to cry. The long-buried misunderstanding gave way to the trust of each other（与所给首句衔接）. Dad’s heart always had a place for me, as he erased my fears and worries by offering practical solutions that catered to my situation. He always knew his boys but was not good at communicating with me in person（情节推动1）. With these thoughts in my mind, through my tearful eyes, I wrote him back, expressing my sincere thanks for his story-sharing and practical guidance for my future job. We kept exchanging our emails after that, and I could imagine his grinning face when reading my letters（情节推动2）. I finally found a way to talk to my dad and merrily broke his hard shell (与原文首句呼应). ----by Catherine
下水作文1：
下水作文2：情节建构
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box.
情境1 惊喜，原本以为邮件会石沉大海
情境2 迫不及待阅读邮件内容
情境3 父亲的信件的具体内容

Para2: I closed the email and started to cry.
情境1 我既感动又内疚
情境2 来回几次邮件后，我的问题一一被解决
情境3 贝壳被打开，父子都脱离至暗时刻
Para1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box. It seemed as if more than two centuries had passed, and frankly, I had lost my patience（情境1）. So astonished to receive the long-waited email was I that I couldn’t wait to read it carefully, from the very beginning to the end without stopping（情境2）. “ Thank you for asking for my suggestions , my boy. I thought I had no value in your world ;I was convinced you had no interest in my stories, I have been accustomed to be left alone. In response to you, my suggestions are as follows.......” ）Overwhelmed by the words, tears stinging my eyes , I failed to continue reading. （情境3）
Para2: I closed the email and started to cry. Feeling a great sense of gratefulness and guilty welling up in my mind , I burst into loud sobs like a young boy. After settling my emotion, I grasped his key perspective on my life----sharing yourself in the relationship and career is the best policy（情境1）. In the following emails, he expressed his lonely feelings of being an immigrant in Canada, telling me stories about his early hopes, dreams, loves and heartbreaks. (情境2：后续交流，问题解决). Unconsciously, both of us went through the darkest of times. Had it not been for his breaking his hard shell, I would have hidden myself in my hard shell（情境3：父子/女都打破硬壳，成功敞开心扉）.
下水作文2：
Para 1: Two weeks later, his response showed up in my email box. It was a scanned three-page document. Apparently, my dad had carefully considered my message, reached back into his memory and crafted a response. In the letter, he shared his history of love, longing, self-doubt, fears and struggles in life. He also offered me some practical suggestions on how to handle my relationship and career. While reading, I got the sense that it must have been really tough for my dad to settle down in a new country at an early age. I was also impressed by the great perseverance he showed in the face of difficulty.

Para 2: I closed the email and started to cry. I cried because I wished I had opened up earlier but was grateful it wasn’t too late. I cried because in the midst of my own struggles, his letter instantly put me at ease. And I cried because in the end, it was so simple: I just had to hit “Send”. We’ve since had many exchanges. My problems haven’t been magically solved, but getting to know my dad better – and learning to love him more – has made the tough stuff more manageable and life sweeter. It’s hard to talk to dads sometimes, but I’m glad that I found a way to talk to mine.

考试范文 a possible students’ version ：
Two weeks later, it showed up in my inbox: a scanned, three-page hand-written document. Dad, a 68-year-old retired technologist and grandfather of four, had carefully considered my message, reached back into his memory and crafted a response-his history of love，longing, self-doubt, struggle and persistence.
After reading，I closed the email and started to cry. I cried because I wished I had opened up earlier but was grateful it wasn’t too late，and because I thought I knew him and now realized there was so much I hadn’t discovered. I cried because it felt as if I hadn’t been able to ask him anything of consequence about his life in all this time; instead, I had focused on not sharing anything about myself with him. I cried because at 33，in the midst of my own struggles, his letter instantly put me at ease. And I cried because in the end, it was so simple: I just had to hit “Send.”
We’ve since had many email exchanges. I’ve asked about his childhood and his relationship with his own parents. Some days I can even ask my dad questions face to face without getting a lump in my throat. Better yet，he occasionally offers stories without me asking, like the one about the time he and his friend Antonio skipped school to see a movie but got caught.
And I’m talking more, too. My problems haven’t been magically solved, but getting to know my dad better-and learning to love him more-has made the tough stuff more manageable and life sweeter. It’s hard to talk to dads sometimes. I’m glad I found a way to talk to mine.
续写文本原结尾
相似话题续写链接
4
2021.06 浙江省读后续写：我的第一份薪水
Part
我的第一份薪水：文本呈现
My dad, George, only had an eighth-grade education. A quiet man, he didn't understand my world of school activities. From age 14, he worked. And his dad, Albert, took the money my dad earned and used it to pay family expenses.
I didn't really understand his world either: He was a livestock trucker, and I thought that I would surpass(超过) anything he had accomplished by the time I walked across the stage at high school graduation.
Summers in the mid-70s were spent at home shooting baskets, hitting a baseball, or throwing a football, preparing for my future as a quarterback on a football team. In poor weather, I read about sports or practiced my trombone(长号).
The summer before my eighth grade I was one of a group of boys that a neighboring farmer hired to work in his field. He explained our basic task, the tractor fired up and we were off, riding down the field looking for weeds to spray with chemicals. After a short way, the farmer stopped and pointed at a weed which we missed. Then we began again. This happened over and over, but we soon learned to identify different grasses like cockleburs, lamb's-quarters, foxtails, and the king of weeds, the pretty purple thistle. It was tiring work, but I looked forward to the pay, even though I wasn't sure how much it would amount to.
At home, my dad said, "A job's a big step to growing up. I'm glad you will be contributing to the household." My dad's words made me realize that my earnings might not be mine to do with as I wished.
My labors lasted about two weeks, and the farmer said there might be more work, but I wasn't interested. I decided it was not fair that I had to contribute my money.
考生回忆版23分习作
When I brought my pay back/check home---it was $119—my dad wanted to talk to me.He told me to wait in the living room for a while. Silence reigned the room. I sat on the sofa, eyes glued to the money I earned. I kept digging in my mind for words to argue with my dad if he announced that the money wasn’t mine. Just then, the door opened and in came my dad. The moment he sat down besides me, I gripped the paycheck more firmly, ready to argue. However, he gently placed his right hand on my shoulder and said, “ I know you have grown up a lot through your work.” Then there was a long pause. He withdrew his hand and slowly continued, “ You deserve the money and the money is yours now.”
I was surprised that my dad allowed me to use the money as I wished. In the blink of an eye, numerous activities I could do presented themselves to me. I sprang to my feet and kept jumping(jumped up in excitement) , still wild with joy and astonishment. On that day, calculating my budget, I went to the local store and bought many things I wanted--a new football , a basketball bat and a pair of sneakers and so on. Better yet, the idea of going back to the farmer and working more popped into my mind.At exactly that moment, I realized why my father let me have the money. It was his expectation for my future ,his encouragement and quiet love. And that was something I might never surpass.
和前文的衔接，文气贯通，看到了伏笔，内容丰富，结尾点题。
语料小情节积累
5
亲情类
Part
不善言辞的父亲
1. 他从来都不爱说话。
He was ____________________________________________.
2.他没有在餐桌上或我们去公园散步时讲述自己的故事。他是一个私密的人，似乎想保持这种状态。
He didn’t ___________________________at the dinner table or when we went for walks in the park. He was a ______________and seemed to___________________________
3. 提出许多关于我出生前他的生活的问题——他早期的希望、梦想、爱和心碎，已经让我们感到难以处理，更不用说分享我的感受。
Bringing up many questions I had about life before I was born-his early hopes and dreams, loves and heartbreaks-- felt like _______________________，_______________________sharing my own feelings.
语料积累——原文亮眼句子
never too much of a talker.
share his stories
private person
want to stay that way
too much for us to handle
let alone
决定发邮件交流
1.在一个极度绝望的时刻，我突然想到发送电子邮件可能是关键。
In a severe moment of desperation, ______________that sending an email might be the key.
我可以在一个舒适的距离说话，给他调整的空间。
.I could speak at _______________and __________________.
父亲的邮件：
这是父亲第一次向我倾诉.
_________________________that Dad had poured out to me.
这是一份三页的扫描文件。显然，我父亲仔细考虑了我的信息，回到了他的记忆中，并做出了回应。
It was a scanned three-page document. Apparently, my dad had______________, reached back into his memory and____________.
语料积累——亮眼句子
it occurred to me
a comfortable distance
a room to adjust
It was the first time
considered my message carefully
crafted a response
鼓励他人的话：
父亲深信，尽管生活中有许多起伏，但它仍将翻开美丽的新篇章。
Father was convinced that life still would turn over to a new beautiful chapter despites its many ups and downs.
父亲相信我能消除阻碍我前进的恐惧和障碍，勇敢地拥抱未知。
Father was convinced that I could remove the fears and obstacles that get in my way and embrace the unknown bravely.
正如一句名言所说，乌云背后有阳光。
As a famous saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining.
父亲的实用的建议让我在复杂多样化的世界里航行.(本试卷C篇阅读词汇)
Father‘s practical suggestions would aid me navigating in a diverse and complex world .
语料积累——亮眼句子
情境 ： 不善言辞的父亲给我写了封长长的信，我读后，哭泣了。
I cried because．．； I cried because．．．. ；And I cried because
小情节语料
I closed the email and started to cry. I cried because I wished I had opened up earlier but was grateful it wasn’t too late. I cried because in the midst of my own struggles, his letter instantly put me at ease. And I cried because in the end, it was so simple: I just had to hit “Send”.
我哭了，因为我希望自己早点打开心扉，但我很庆幸没有为时已晚。我哭了，因为在我自己的挣扎中，他的信立刻让我放松了。我哭了，因为最后，事情很简单：我只需要点击“发送”。
一次打开心扉的通信后，父女（子）在交流上，情感上的变化。
Ever since then, we have had many email exchanges. With more sharing happening between us, we got a close relationship with each other. Face-to-face interaction even emerged between us as naturally as it was supposed to be. Smiles began to appear on our faces and in our hearts.
从那时起，我们有很多电子邮件交流。随着我们之间更多的分享，我们彼此的关系越来越亲密。我们之间的面对面交流甚至像预期的那样自然而然地出现了。微笑开始出现在我们的脸上和心里。
We’ve since had many exchanges. My problems haven’t been magically solved, but getting to know my dad better – and learning to love him more – has made the tough stuff more manageable and life sweeter.
此后我们进行了多次交流。我的问题并没有神奇地解决，但更好地了解我的父亲——并学会更多地爱他——让艰难的事情变得更容易处理，生活变得更甜蜜。
小情节语料
thanks

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