资源简介

(共32张PPT)
我
续
My neighbor Bill
读
后
写
My family moved in a small house in Brighton, Colorado on my seventh birthday. My first memory is our neighbor Bill, an old man, handing me strawberries from his garden through a hole in the chain-link(铁丝网) fence. “We need to make the hole bigger,"” he said jokingly. Later I knew that he lived alone.
Bill spent much time working in the garden, and I was always talking to him from our yard. I was a chatterbox. I think what drew me to Bill is that he never got tired of listening to me. l also think Bill saw a lot of himself in me-we were both lonely and anxious-and that may be why he always took the time to listen to me. It was a wonderful connection.
There weren't any kids of my age in the neighborhood, and my parents were very busy, so l mostly played in the yard with my dog, I had a lot of imaginary friends-a whole family, actually, with a wife, children , a best friend...no joke. Weird kid.
One day, my parents asked Bill whether he'd watch me while they were away on business. This worked well for everyone, so it became a somewhat monthly occurrence. Bill had a spare room in his house, which became " my” room.
Bill promised to teach me to drive the lawn tractor(割草机)someday and I was always looking forward to it. In winter. Bill would attach a snowplow(铲雪机) to the front of the lawn tractor. I seriously told him that I would invent a better snowplow when I grew up. "Sure you will. You'll get a patent certificate. It takes a certificate to prove an important thing," Bill said with a smile.
One snowy morning , an idea suddenly hit me. My parents were watching TV when I spit it out. What if I adopted Bill as my grandpa " My parents said I could go over and ask him.
Para1: I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “ Can I adopt you as my grandpa ”
Para 2: The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence.
文本分析
抓伏笔构思情节
下水作文
语料和小情节建构
1
2
3
4
目 录
Step 1: understand the text by reading for the five elements
文学元素
Who (character)
Where (place)
When (time)
What (event)
Why (reason)
How (solution)
Bill & I
the garden
& Bill’s house
I was seven years old, one snowy morning
I wanted to adopt Bill as my grandpa
I asked Bill whether he was willing to be my adopted father.
We were both lonely and anxious. Bill always kept me company, talking to me, listening to me and promising to teach me etc.
Main idea:
When I was 7 years old, we moved in a small house in Brighton, ______________I met my neighbor Bill. Since we were both lonely and____________(anxiety), Bill always talked to me, listened to me and promised to teach me to drive the lawn tractor. One snowy morning, I wanted to adopt Bill __________my grandpa. My parents suggested that I should ask Bill, my kind and helpful neighbor, ___________he was willing to be my __________(adopt) grandpa.
where
anxious
as
whether/if
adopted
Para. 6 I wanted to adopt Bill as my grandfather
para.1: I asked Bill whether he was willing to be adopted as a grandpa.
resolution
Continuation para.2: The next moring... I accidentally plowed down our chain—link fence.
falling action
rising action
Step 1: understand the text by reading for plot development clues 起 承 转 合
background
climax
Para.1 When I was 7 years old, we moved in a small house in Brighton, and there I met my neighbor Bill. There was a chain-link fence between our yards
Para.2-5 Bill and I had more and more interaction and connection.
What happened between Bill and I And what changes happened between Bill and I What theme does the writer want to convey
Step 1: Understand the text by reading for the characters and themes
Para 3: With no kids of my age and with busy parents, I played alone with my imaginary friends. I quite understood Bill.
Para4: I had a room in Bill house because Bill watched me during my parents’ absence
Para5: Bill promised to teach me to drive the lawn tractor and I was always looking forward to it.
Para2： I was always talking to Bill in the garden, and he never got tired of listening to me.
Para1 : Bill handed me strawberries from his garden through a hole
Para6: I wanted to adopt Bill as my grandpa.
A neighbor
A friend
A family
The theme:
The passage was a story to praise the wonderful relationship between neighbors—a little child and an elderly man, who eventually became a family because of love and care
Things that happened between us
Relationship between us
部分同学纠结 bill 不同意被我收养为祖父，因为我有我自己的祖父。
部分同学第二段情节创设的我为我的错误内疚，想办法弥补，偷偷修好了篱笆。
或者我想要逃避责任，但是父母教育我要诚实，最后我向Bill 坦率了错误。Bill 夸我是好孩子。
原文应该是我和Bill之间真诚有美好的情感，部分学生立意上有设定了“我诚实的品质得到了表扬”。
中西方对grandpa的文化理解不一样，在美国文化中，祖父祖母不和孩子们，孙子们生活在一起，他们的关系相对比较疏远，年轻人和老人都不会彼此牵绊，相对自由。而中国的传统文化里，爷爷奶奶（外公外婆）经常帮助带孙子，跟子孙们关系亲近，在孩子的心中，爷爷奶奶（外公外婆）是唯一的。部分学生对这个文化差异没有理解，续写的情节纠结于“ Bill要让我征询父母的建议， 或者拒绝之类的，因为你有自己的爷爷奶奶等”
04
03
02
01
情节方面
内容方面
主题方面
文化理解
习作问题
The problems in students’ continuous writing
对话较多，详略不当。有些停留在细节描写中，没有故事的快速推进。
或者内容太少，全文都是tell,没有show等细节。
语言错误较多，过去式，非谓语等。
抓伏笔构思情节
02
tip1: find out the clues based on the key words.
tip2: find out the clues based on the given sentences
Bill, fence, garden, lonely, listen to ; connection, family, my parents,seriously, certificate
Divide the underlined words into 4 groups:
step find out the clues based on the key words
人物
事物
特性
动作
情感
人物 Bill ， my parents
事物 fence, garden, certificate
特性 connection, family
动作 listen to
情感 lonely; seriously
My family moved in a small house in Brighton, Colorado on my seventh birthday. My first memory is our neighbor Bill, an old man, handing me strawberries from his garden through a hole in the chain-link(铁丝网) fence. “We need to make the hole bigger,"” he said jokingly. Later I knew that he lived alone.
Bill spent much time working in the garden, and I was always talking to him from our yard. I was a chatterbox. I think what drew me to Bill is that he never got tired of listening to me. l also think Bill saw a lot of himself in me-we were both lonely and anxious-and that may be why he always took the time to listen to me. It was a wonderful connection.
There weren't any kids of my age in the neighborhood, and my parents were very busy, so l mostly played in the yard with my dog, I had a lot of imaginary friends-a whole family, actually, with a wife, children , a best friend...no joke. Weird kid.
抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词
Questions:
If I broke the fence by accident, what would be Bill attitude
He would not care about it, let alone scold me for it .
Possible plot:
Bill chuckled in his laid back-way and comforted me,” Don’t worry, I have already planned to change a fence. ”
Instead of scolding me, he comforted me that he had planned to plow down the fence.
My family moved in a small house in Brighton, Colorado on my seventh birthday. My first memory is our neighbor Bill, an old man, handing me strawberries from his garden through a hole in the chain-link(铁丝网) fence. “We need to make the hole bigger,"” he said jokingly. Later I knew that he lived alone.
Bill spent much time working in the garden, and I was always talking to him from our yard. I was a chatterbox. I think what drew me to Bill is that he never got tired of listening to me. l also think Bill saw a lot of himself in me-we were both lonely and anxious-and that may be why he always took the time to listen to me. It was a wonderful connection.
There weren't any kids of my age in the neighborhood, and my parents were very busy, so l mostly played in the yard with my dog, I had a lot of imaginary friends-a whole family, actually, with a wife, children , a best friend...no joke. Weird kid.
抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词
Questions:
Would Bill and I become a family if I adopted him as my grandpa
What about the connection between us
Would we feel lonely and anxious as before
Possible plot:
After I adopted Bill as my grandpa, we became a true family to some extent.
It was a wonderful connection.
What they did to the fence strengthened our connection.
Bill and I both got rid of loneliness and anxiety with the company of each other.
抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词
One day, my parents asked Bill whether he'd watch me while they were away on business. This worked well for everyone, so it became a somewhat monthly occurrence. Bill had a spare room in his house, which became " my” room.
Bill promised to teach me to drive the lawn tractor(割草机)someday and I was always looking forward to it. In winter. Bill would attach a snowplow(铲雪机) to the front of the lawn tractor. I seriously told him that I would invent a better snowplow when I grew up. "Sure you will. You'll get a patent certificate. It takes a certificate to prove an important thing," Bill said with a smile.
One snowy morning , an idea suddenly hit me. My parents were watching TV when I spit it out. What if I adopted Bill as my grandpa " My parents said I could go over and ask him.
Question : I wanted to adopt Bill as my grandpa, and I took it very seriously, but how could I prove such an important thing
Possible plot:
There would be an adoption certificate proving our new relationship.
Bill printed out an adoption certificate and hung it in “my” room.
I crafted an adoption certificate with the help of my parents and handed Bill with great excitement.
“We need a certificate to prove our new relationship.” laughed Bill. After a while, a certificate with Bill’s name and mine was created.
Tip： 抓原文的伏笔时，要基于原文的主线和主题表达！
念
性 质
应 用
Design the plot based on the given sentences
意图： to adopt my old neighbor Bill as my grandpa and we finally became a true family .
段首句： Para1: I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “ Can I adopt you as my grandpa ”
段首句： Para 2: The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence.
Q1 ____________________________（与首句衔接）
Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)
Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)
Q4_______________________________(与第二段首句衔接)
Q1 ____________________________（与首句衔接）
Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)
Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)
Q4_______________________________(主题点拨)
念
性 质
应 用
Design the plot based on the given sentences
意图： to adopt my old neighbor Bill as my grandpa and we finally became a true family .
段首句： Para1: I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “ Can I adopt you as my grandpa ”
Q1： How did Bill react to my request （与首句衔接+情节推动1: Bill 的语言、表情+动作）
Q2 How did I feel and what did I after I got the answer？ (情节推动2：我的情绪、动作+ 语言)
Q3： Bill suggested (I suggested Bill) teaching me to learn to drive the lawn tractor. (与第二段首句衔接)
段首句： Para 2: The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence.
“ Yes, it’s my pleasure. “a smile flashed across his face, wrapped me in his arms…
happy, threw myself into Bill’s arms, crafted a certificate , ran to tell my parents the good news
念
性 质
应 用
段首句： Para 2: The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence.
Design the plot based on the given sentences
意图： to adopt my old neighbor Bill as my grandpa and we finally became a true family .
Q1 How did I feel （与首句衔接: 心理+语言）
I was frightened ； apologized； “ I am sorry. “
Q2 How did Bill react to the accident (情节推动1: 动作+语言)
did not scold me, comforted me; told me that he had planned to replace /rebuild/remove / it.
Q3 How did we deal with the chain-link fence (情节推动2： 重点 )
1. Bill and my dad together replaced it with a nice, tall wooden one and with a door on it.
2. Bill and I removed the chain-link fence. It become more accessible for us to enter each other’s gardens.
Q4 We became a true family; we had a wonderful connection(主题点拨: 评价 或者感悟)
习作欣赏
03
习作点评：
虽然感觉情节有些拖沓，进展不够快。但是考生在有限时间，能够准确的抓住原文的伏笔， 根据所给首句，合理富有逻辑性的推动情节，同时注意两段之间有效衔接；描写细致，有心理、语言、动作等描写。 最后能够兼顾主题点拨。是一篇优秀的习作。
习作点评：
第一段中考生能够抓住原文certificate 这个伏笔，来设计第一段情节，比其他考生单纯的我和Bill之间的心理和对话描写更有立体感，能够吸引阅卷老师注意。
第二段情节基本合理，作者描写了篱笆推倒后，对各方产生的影响，不足之处，就是淡化了我和Bill之间的关系。
语言上虽然有错误，但是总体面貌姣好。
念
性 质
应 用
习作点评：
考生驾驭语言的能力比较强，用了较多的高级词汇，能够表意，没有让阅卷者感到语言的堆砌。
考生也抓住了原文的伏笔 certificate,和父母一起精心制作了一个收养证书。考生用主题提升来结束习作。可以看出考生对原文的深刻理解并能合理的表达。阅读和写作能力均较强。
下水作文1
Para1: I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “ Can I adopt you as my grandpa ” Bill widened up his eyes and quickly a broad smile flashed across his face. He asked amusedly, “ Of course! it’s my pleasure. But why ”（衔接1 神情+语言） there are loads of reasons I wanted to tell him. but I simply convinced him that I loved him and I wanted to have him as my family. So moved was Bill that he wrapped me into his arms tightly（情节推动1 心理+动作). It dawned on me that I needed to give him an adoption certificate. I rushed to my house , told my parents the good news and asked them to make a certificate for me. Fifteen minutes later, my new grandpa—Bill was handed a copy of the certificate（情节推动2）. With a brilliant grin blooming on Bill’s weather-beaten face, he declared, “ it’s time to teach you to drive the lawn tractor tomorrow morning. “(衔接2：情绪+语言)
下水作文1
Para2:
Para 2: The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence. My heart began to race, a sense of guilt overwhelming me, “ sorry, grandpa, I didn’t mean to. “ I apologized（衔接：心理+语言）. “ It doesn’t matter, my sweetheart. I have planned to plow it down. See, you just helped me”. Bill comforted me, and jokingly added that this saved him much trouble since I could pick up the strawberries in his garden next spring（情节推动1 语言+动作）. My parents also helped to clear up all the chain-link fence. Without the fence, we felt that we were more like a family and it was a wonderful connection（情节推动2 ）. Thanks to my newly-adopted grandpa, I had a wonderful time in a small house and the happy moments we spent together would always be engraved in my memory（评论+感悟）.
下水作文2
Paragraph 1
I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “ Can I adopt you as my grandpa ” Hearing such an innocent requirement, startled, Bill was at a loss how to make a proper respond. “ It’s not enough to be with you monthly.” I begged, “ Daily ,please!”. After a long silence, Bill chose to turn a deaf ear to my plead and told me to learn new skills as scheduled the next day. First time , dropping my head , I stepped back home slowly ,otherwise weaved (v.穿梭行走 ) happily from bill’s home.
Paragraph 2
The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow.I accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence. Guilty and gloomy, I jumped off the tractor and checked the fence. It suddenly dawned on me that Bill once joked to make the hole bigger. “ It’s removed completely.” I rushed to Bill, “ It means we have become one true family.” Then,in the garden, my parents extended their sincere invitation, met with Bill’s nodding. The scene lingering in my mind ever since, even now, I am constantly reminded of the connection, love and warmth from a beloved adopted grandpa.
I knocked on his door, sat down in his living room, and asked, “Can I adopt you as my grandparents ” Bill stood frozen for a little while before a broad smile came across his face. Then I saw tears in his eyes. He wrapped me in his arms and buried his face in my coat to hide his ears, his voice trembling, “Of course sweetheart! I’m so happy to be your grandpa!” Soon after, Bill printed out an adoption certificate and hung it on the wall of “my” room. Gazing at the snow outside, Bill said to me excitedly, “It’s time to learn how to drive a lawn tractor.”
The next morning, while learning to drive the lawn tractor with a snowplow, I
accidentally plowed down our chain-link fence. I was almost frightened to tears, but Bill just chuckled in his laid-back way and comforted me, “Don’t worry, Grandson. I have already planned to change a fence.” We eventually replaced it with a nice, tall wooden fence. My dad and Bill installed it together. What impressed me most was that there was a door on the fence, which definitely strengthened our connection. Underneath, I knew that we were a true family now.
考试范文
语料积累&小情节建构
04
亮眼语料积累(accumulate your language)
开心表达积累（部分模拟题关于开心的描写）：
① (独立主格)All of them laughed with happiness,________________________________(笑声回荡在房间里 ) (2021.06 新高考全国卷1)
② (so…that 倒装) Hearing the words, so glad was she that her face ______________(面露喜色) and his bright smile ________________(照亮房间). (2021.06 新高考全国卷1)
③ ____________________________bloomed on my mom’s face（妈妈脸上绽放出灿烂的笑容） as she held me tightly. (常州市2021-2022届高三年级第一学期期中考试 ）
④ Seeing his grandsons, Grandpa was _________________(欣喜若狂)and tried to get up with all his strength from the chair__________________(但是没有成功). (2022.03潍坊一模)
答案：Seeing his grandsons, Grandpa was wild with joy and tried to get up with all his strength from the chair but in vain.
⑤Staring at the fancy cane, Grandpa was so happy with smiles on his face_________________________(像钻石一样闪闪发光). He thanked his grandsons for the wonderful gift _________________________ (2022.03潍坊一模)
chuckles lingering around the room.
beamed with joy.
lit up the room
A brilliant smile
Wild with joy
but in vain
shining like a dimonds
with affection
1. No sooner had she noticed my approach than her weather-beaten face lit up（她饱经风霜的脸都发亮了）. （山东省潍坊市20201-2022学年高三上学期期中统考）
2. On hearing that, she instantly put the basket of flowers in front of me , wearing a big and warm smile（面带微笑）.（山东省潍坊市20201-2022学年高三上学期期中统考）
3. I couldn’t help thinking how excited Jace would be（Jace会多么兴奋） when receiving the gifts. （2021.12 Z20名校联盟）
4. He twisted his head to smile at me（扭过头向我微笑）. （2021.12 Z20名校联盟）
5. When they unwrapped the delicate packs , continuous giggles popped from Jace. （Jace不停地咯咯笑）（2021.12 Z20名校联盟）
6. Eyes fixed on the piles of carefully wrapped gifts, joy mingled with gratitude was written on his face（开心和感激混杂在一起出现在他脸上）. （2021.12 Z20名校联盟）
模拟题亮眼语料在本文中的写作迁移：
A brilliant smile bloomed on my mom’s face as she held me tightly. (常州市2021-2022届高三年级第一学期期中考试 ）
仿写：一个灿烂的微笑在他饱经风霜的脸上绽放 当他听到我的请求。
A brilliant smile bloomed on his weather-beaten face as he heard my request.
Staring at the fancy cane, Grandpa was so happy with smiles on his face shining like a diamond. He thanked his grandsons for the wonderful gift with affection.（ 2022.03潍坊一模)
仿写： 盯着这精心制作的收养证书，Bill 爷爷高兴极了，脸上的笑容像钻石一样闪闪发光。他深情地感谢我的好提议。
Staring at the carefully-made/ crafted adoption certification, Bill was so happy with smiles on his face shining like a diamond. He thanked me for the wonderful proposal with affection.
Bill听到我的请求或者收到我的收养证书时的开心
模拟题亮眼语料在本文中的写作迁移：
1. Eyes fixed on the piles of carefully wrapped gifts, joy mingled with gratitude was written on his face（开心和感激混杂在一起出现在他脸上）.
仿写： 眼睛落在份手工制作的收养证书上，开心夹杂着感激一起出现在他饱经风霜的脸
Eyes fixed on the handmade certificate, joy mingled with gratitude was written on his weather-beaten face.
2. All of them laughed with happiness, chuckles lingering around the room(笑声回荡在房间里 ) (2021.06 新高考全国卷1)
仿写：看到这个全新的木制篱笆，我们多开心的笑了，笑声回荡在花园的上方。
Looking at he brand new wooden fence, we laughed with happiness, chuckles lingering around the garden.
相似话题续写连接
05
Chris Dykstra hadn’t expected what began as a casual walk around the neighborhood with the family one night led to a journey of friendship.
Chris Dykstra, a traffic manager in Shorewood, Illinois had noticed a few raccoons (浣熊) wandering around his garbage. However, he didn’t think too much of it. One night when his wife Julie was taking their four children for a walk after dinner, they tracked the raccoons back to their neighbor’s roof. A further investigation showed that the raccoons had chewed a hole in the neighbor’s roof and were living in her attic (阁楼).
The couple had lived in their current home for five years. Yet they had very little contact with the neighbor. They knew her first name was Dorene and that she liked to watch their children play in the backyard, and that’s about it.
Concerned for their neighbor’s well-being, Julie decided to knock on the door to make their neighbor aware of the raccoons living in the attic. Julie knocked on the door and rang the doorbell, but no one answered. She decided to ask the local police department to do a wellness check on their neighbor.
Two police officers and an animal control officer visited the neighbor’s home to conduct a wellness check. This time the neighbor — Miss Dorene Shock — opened the door. Miss Shock was surprised to see someone check in on her. The officers made her aware of the raccoons in her attic.
Having been told the whole thing, Miss Shock welcomed Julie into her house. After touring the house, Julie learned that Miss Shock lived a poor life. Her home barely had any furniture, and she even didn’t have a TV set. Besides, her house was in need of additional repairs and updates including new light bulbs.
Paragraph 1:
Chris and his wife knew this was an opportunity to help a neighbor in need. They decided to do something for the neighbor. They agreed to pay for raccoon removal and roof repairs. Julie took notes of all the light bulbs in the home that needed replacing and purchased new ones. Chris installed the new light bulbs on the weekend. They even purchased a television for Miss Shock, who was very grateful.
Paragraph 2:
Several days later, Chris and his wife came across Miss Shock and had a chat with her. They learned that Miss Shock almost had no family or friends and was very lonely. She spent nearly all of her spare time in a spare bedroom sitting on a couch and listening to the radio. The couple thought they could be Dorene’s friends and it was convenient for them to visit each other often since they were neighbors. So they became regular visitors to Dorene’s house. The children brought Dorene great joy. “It is a great thing to help someone in our community,” they said.
感
谢
聆
听

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