资源简介

(共64张PPT)
读后续写专题之解救困车人
Last March, Margarito drove to visit his mother who lived in the countryside. When he set off for home, Margarito’s mother looked at the dark sky and noticed the sign of a coming storm. Worried about her son’s safety, she told him to drive as carefully as possible on his way home and he promised to give her a call upon his arrival.
With his mother’s words in mind, Margarito approached the main road carefully. Soon, it started to rain heavily. Eager to get home, Margarito began to drive faster. Two hours later, he came to a bumpy mountain road that had been flooded by a creek (小溪). Margarito, driving a four-wheel drive truck, figured that he would be OK. At that moment, he didn’t realize that such a thought would be a big mistake.
It was halfway across the creek that an unfortunate incident took place: The rushing waters grabbed hold of his vehicle, pushing it off the road and sending it down a rocky creek bed. The truck finally stopped some 80 feet away. Margarito’s problems only grew from there as the water had somehow positioned the truck into the creek bank at a 45-degree angle, making it difficult for him to open the driver’s side door. Injured and trapped inside with the muddy water rising quickly, Margarito was certain he was going to die. Shaking with fear, he was at a loss about what to do.
On the road right behind Margarito were a delivery worker named Steve and his nephew Mike, who were on the way to deliver furniture to customers in the countryside. They witnessed the horrible incident, and when Margarito’s truck came to rest in the middle of the overflowing creek, Steve quickly began to take action. First, he grabbed a rope from the back of his vehicle and used it to ensure he could safely approach the truck.
该文本主要讲了什么
本文主要讲述Margarito看望乡郊的母亲完后，驱车回家的途中，遇到暴风雨，卡车被洪水冲到小溪边，河水快速上涨，Margarito车门开不了，情况危急。此时，两名往乡郊送快递的快递员连忙出手，砸车窗，救出受困的Margarito。
文本具有什么特点？
文本的环境描述地道，细腻，Margarito的母亲在前文对他的叮嘱与对他安危的牵挂，应在后文有体现。
本节课的设计思路是什么？
基于考生表述平白如流水账，可读性不强的特点，我们认为：学生的欠缺的能力是最好的突破口，也是最好的备考点。基于此，二轮续写问题的解决方法可采取3S主题续写：培养学生抓伏笔，进行自问自答式Self Question & Answer主题写作；同时兼顾相似考题Similar的连接对比以及小情节构建上增添可读性的细节描写Show。
本文的高潮部分在哪里？
Margarito’s problems only grew from there as the water had somehow positioned the truck into the creek bank at a 45-degree angle, making it difficult for him to open the driver’s side door. Injured and trapped inside with the muddy water rising quickly, Margarito was certain he was going to die. Shaking with fear, he was at a loss about what to do.
Margarito的问题只是从那里开始的，因为河水以45度的角度将卡车定位在河岸上，使他很难打开司机的侧门。玛格丽托受伤并被困在里面，泥水迅速上涨，他确信自己会死。他吓得直发抖，不知该怎么办。
话题
救人感恩类
教学步骤
1. 解读续写文本
2. 抓伏笔自问式思路启发
3. 优秀学生作文及下水作文
4. 相似“救人”类续写考题对比
5. 小情节构建及可读性细节描写
6. 2022.2 深圳二模续写亮眼语料整理学案
2022.2 深圳二模续写亮眼语料整理学案
1. 非谓语
(1) , Margarito was certain he was going to die.
由于泥水迅速上涨，Margarito受伤并被困在里面，他确信自己会死
(2) , Mike knew the situation was much tougher than he imagined.听到叔叔的紧急命令，迈克知道情况比他想象的要艰难得多。
(3) , Margarito’s eyes were filled with hope.看到史蒂夫，玛格丽托的眼睛充满了希望。
(4) , Margarito reached out for Steve’s hand and was rescued. Margarito松了一口气，伸手去拉史蒂夫的手，获救了。
2. 环境描写
(1)Two hours later, he came to that had been flooded by a creek.两小时后，他来到一条崎岖不平的山路，山路被一条小溪淹没。
(2) Margarito’s problems only grew from there as at a 45-degree angle, making it difficult for him to open the driver’s side door. Margarito的问题只是从那里开始的，因为河水以45度的角度将卡车定位在河岸上，使他很难打开司机的侧门。
(3) 它裂成碎片。
(4) Suddenly, and the sound of the rain beating the car’s window became loud.突然，电闪雷鸣，雨点敲打车窗的声音变得很响。
3. 心情紧张
（1） , he was at a loss about what to do.
他吓得浑身发抖，不知该怎么办。
（2） with his hands shaking with the rock.
史蒂夫的心几乎跳到了嘴边，他的手在岩石上颤抖。
4. 表示感谢
（1） , knowing deeply that without these strangers’ determination and willingness to help, her son’s life would have been in great danger or worse otherwise.
他的母亲抽泣着，无法通过电话向他们表达更多的感谢，因为她深知，如果没有这些陌生人的决心和帮助的意愿，她儿子的生命将处于极大的危险之中，或者更糟。
（2） , he bowed to them. 他泪流满面，向他们鞠躬。
(3) Hanging up the phone, .挂断电话后，他转向史蒂夫和迈克，真诚地感谢他们两人。
5. 动作描写
（1）
He .他弯下腰，发现了一块又尖又重的石头
（2）
Mike .迈克迅速弯下腰，抓起一块石头。
（3）
He over and over again.他使出浑身解数一次又一次地用它敲打窗户玻璃。
（4）
Steve 史蒂夫抓起石头，狠狠地砸了一下窗户。
2022.2 深圳二模续写亮眼语料整理学案答案
1. 非谓语
(1) Injured and trapped inside with the muddy water rising quickly, Margarito was certain he was going to die.
由于泥水迅速上涨，Margarito受伤并被困在里面，他确信自己会死
（2）Hearing his uncle’s urgent command, Mike knew the situation was much tougher than he imagined.听到叔叔的紧急命令，迈克知道情况比他想象的要艰难得多。
（3） Seeing Steve, Margarito’s eyes were filled with hope.看到史蒂夫，玛格丽托的眼睛充满了希望。
（4）Relieved, Margarito reached out for Steve’s hand and was rescued.Margarito松了一口气，伸手去拉史蒂夫的手，获救了。
2. 环境描写
（1）Two hours later, he came to a bumpy mountain road that had been flooded by a creek.两小时后，他来到一条崎岖不平的山路，山路被一条小溪淹没
(2) Margarito’s problems only grew from there as the water had somehow positioned the truck into the creek bank at a 45-degree angle, making it difficult for him to open the driver’s side door. Margarito的问题只是从那里开始的，因为河水以45度的角度将卡车定位在河岸上，使他很难打开司机的侧门。
(3) It cracked and broke and became pieces.它裂成碎片。
(4) Suddenly, a lightening shone and the sound of the rain beating the car’s window became loud.突然，电闪雷鸣，雨点敲打车窗的声音变得很响。
Next, he turned to Mike and yelled, “Give me a rock!” With the rock, he hit the window over and over but had little success. Steve then shouted to Margarito to move away from the window. He balanced himself on the truck, leaned back and threw the rock at the window. Finally, the glass broke and Steve kicked in the remaining pieces of glass. Relieved, Margarito reached out for Steve’s hand and was rescued. The two men escaped and returned to safety.
Margarito was about to thank Steve and Mike when the mobile phone in his jacket pocket rang. With trembling hands, Margarito took out the phone and pressed it to his ear. His mother’s anxious voice came over the phone, “Are you home yet Everything’s good ” Tears welled up in his eyes at the familiar sound of concern. Margarito choked up as he explained the accident to his mom and comforted her. Hanging up the phone, he turned to Steve and Mike and sincerely thanked both of them. Cold as the rain was, great warmth filled his heart like never before.
Grow Up Healthy
Good morning, everyone!
As we grow up, we are expected to lead a healthy life. However, there is a growing concern that problems like eating junk food, lacking exercise and being addicted to online games still exist among us teenagers.
To improve the present situation, I suggest that we stick to a healthy diet and regular exercise, which can work wonders for us. Besides, less exposure to electronic devices will do good to both our mental and physical health. More importantly, we should learn to look at the bright side and stay positive when facing challenges.
In conclusion, let’s take action from this very moment to grow up healthy and sound.
That’s all. Thank you.
抄阅读理解冒充读写续写！0分！
2022年深圳一模英语读后续写阅卷反馈
一、 续写出现的主要问题
1、内容方面：
（1）情节合理性：
①未能正确解码原文信息，造成续写段落和原文脱离。
如原文第一段：When he set off for home,和第三段描写他陷入危险境地，部分学生没有注意作者是回家路上，而不是去拜访母亲的路上。陷入危险，有学生描写地像在平地一样，没有危险感，轻松就就出来了。明明是陌生人，怎么又可以叫出彼此的名字？
②对段首句的理解有误或利用不足，导致糟糕的段内融洽和段际衔接。
读后续写应在认真阅读、充分理解所给材料的基础上合理想象，续写接下来的情节，构成一个完整的故事。有学生Para 1未能结合所给句“Give me a rock”，部分学生不知道rock用来做什么，直接写成垫在truck下面，一块接一块，让
卡车开出了muddy creek等不太实际的描写。
③未照应原文伏笔，具体点出升华主题
学生在续写故事时，不注意反扣原文，也忽略尾段和首段的呼应。最后没有注意感谢这两位陌生人，直接把两个人写消失不见了；或者结尾毫无意义。
（2）故事不完整
①未呈现细节，只描述了Steve用rock砸玻璃，Margarito出来了，缺乏画面感、缺乏紧张感；或者说Margarito晕过去了，拉出来就苏醒了。
②大量对话无意义，段落间分布不均衡，有学生写成四段；
③未能按150词的要求完成写作任务；或两段字数相差较大，内容丰富度不一。还有小部分零分卷。
2、语言方面
（1）语言准确性：时态（部分考生时态不能保持一致，过去时现在时混用；或者没有准确适用不规则动词的正确写法）、用词（不能准确使用如“砸碎玻璃” tried to break the window，而是用attacked window）；接电话picked out/touched/the phone,应该用answered。
（2）语言丰富性：部分考生句式单一，全文使用单一主语的简单句，不能灵活运用复合句、非谓语和特殊句型；缺少心理及动作细节描写；甚至部分学生词汇混乱，导致读完让人哭笑不得，比如下图，学生想表达was exposed to....,却用了was exploding....（爆炸了？？？）；两行热泪： two rolles of tear roll down his cheek “ Hey，gay？”
3、其他方面 所写内容与续写情节无关，比如有学生写了“wolf”斗争。抄袭原文情况比较严重，为了避免老师发现，从文章中东拼西凑，变换语序的抄袭，误导老师评分；
卷面书写待提高。书写潦草，卷面涂改明显；甚至有大量的组线条划线涂抹，影响卷面的整洁和美观。
3 没有看清人名，自己造另外一个人名，比如Tom。
4 优秀试卷展示
深一模大作文阅卷反馈 2
1. 书写不合规范的学生仍然较多。
2. 一部分基础不好的学生抄袭原文甚至抄袭阅读原文，部分老师没有仔细检查阅读只是看了书面甚至给了学生较高分数。
3. 学生描写维度欠缺，缺乏形象动作和场景描写，仍有大篇幅对话或流水帐形式出现。
4. 主题升华意识总体还不够强，对主旨的把握容易被学生积累的套话模版带偏，不会具体问题具体分析。
5. 部分学生抄袭原文，在三改的情况下基本都会被发现的0分；
6. 部分学生生活阅历不够，对rock构思太新奇，续写不自然；
7．部分学生没用上rock, mobile phone,与前文衔接不够。
深一模大作文阅卷反馈 3
情节方面：
1. 部分同学审题欠严谨，未能充分把握和恰当运用文中的关键词rock和rope。比如部分同学写用rock去击打车的driver’s side door，而非运用正常的思维（即rock应用来击碎卡车的玻璃）,从而救出被困者。还有同学写用石头垫高车，还找了很多石头，与段首句a rock不匹配，也和客观事实不符。另有部分同学未提及文中的rock和rope等词，救援过程一笔带过，直接描述结果，缺乏必要的动作描写情节，从而使文章缺乏动作情境。
2. 续写对原本解析不够，不看段首句，未写到rock，也未写营救的详细过程。第二段中写电话是其他人打来的，或者没有铺垫，直接回了妈妈家。
3. 人称和人物关系混乱。有写成第一人称，以及把Margrito和Steve角色弄反的。
4. 人需要常怀感恩之心，很多同学在写完被救之后，忽略了感激的话语以及对这篇文章主题的升华。 对主题判断有误，错误的升华文章，例如：只要坚持不放弃，就能成功；活着就有希望。
表达方面：
1. 部分同学语法词汇基础较差，误用固定表达，比如shared no efforts (应为spared no effort), in this time (应为at this time)，另外部分同学对动词的过去式掌握不扎实，出现了例如catched, choosed等常见动词的过去式拼写错误。
2. 不少同学对一些基本的搭配、词语等理解不到位（比如：at a loss）,导致写主人公受伤特别严重，失去了意识，学生需要对文本加强理解。
3. 句式中谓语、非谓语误用，主句、从句混乱。例如：Only to find that he was flooded in the water. He not trying to did等等。
深一模大作文阅卷反馈 4
常见错误：
1.情节与原文矛盾。原文Margarito是在拜访完妈妈后回家的途中遭遇暴雨，很多考生写成Margarito遭遇暴雨后去妈妈家里。
2.与首句衔接不当。很多考生的续写没有与首句衔接上。在第一段的续写中没有沿着“Give me a rock”中的rock往下写，而是写了其他的情节。第二段首句后没有交待来电是谁，就直接说妈妈的担忧，造成过渡和衔接不自然，不恰当。
3. 拼写错误和语法错误。在拼写中许多同学把calm写成clam；在词性中safe和safety形容词和名词等误用。许多考生在to后面用动词过去式。时态的错误也较常见。
4.中式表达。如we helped you also helped me.
5.词汇匮乏和误用。如要用shouted的时候使用cried，该用voice用了noise。
6.大面积摘抄原文。
7. 主题升华不当。不少考生最后的主题写成生命只有一次，要爱护生命。有的把重点放在开车要注意安全。有的考生写成保持冷静，你就能解决问题。这些都没有把主题定位为陌生人的帮助温暖了作者的心。
优秀表达：
现在分词的使用：
Having witnessed all the efforts Steve and Mike made for him, his gratitude to them is beyond verbal expressions.
倒装句
Hardly had he answered the phone when his mother’s caring and anxious voice came into his ears asking him whether he had reached home regularly.
形容词作状语
Exhausted and breathlessly, they eventually climbed back to the road.
心理描写
Receiving the kindness from them, a flush of warmth flooded over Margarito.
He could hardly contain himself so that tears were dropping from his eyes.
His mom must have been concerned about him as if sitting on pins and needles.
虚拟
Hadn’t been the two warm-hearted men, he would have died.
高分作文都有且不仅有以下特点：1、字数达标，基本写满格子；书写工整，卷面整洁，无明显涂改；2、情节构思合理，有细节描写，例如Steve下河时先在自己身上绑上绳子，Mike在岸边紧拉绳子等；又如他们派送的家具刚好是Margarito母亲的邻居的，所以顺路送他回家，做到了呼应原文的细节等；3、这点也是最出彩最重要的，就是非常重视语言的表达，从措辞到句式都给人高大上的感觉，例如用bewildered代替confused,他眼睛湿润了His eyes got moistened；使用了高级句型如no sooner ....than等倒装句和非谓语动词作状语以及三个谓语并列的句子等，此外，还有很多有文采的句子，例如，A blend of emotions fermented in Margarito's heart. 又如：Having experienced the thrilling night, he found his heart melted and warmed by a shower of kindness, which woke him up to pass on it to those in need. What a sweet and warm night, though it was still raining heavily outside.
以上应该是想获得高分作文的同学的努力方向吧。

展开更多......

收起↑