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2022、9、2七彩阳光续写复习巩固
第二节读后续写（满分25分）
阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事，
Radzi was the first out of the plane. He collected his luggge and quckily made his way to the arrival, hardly able to contain his excitement at meeting his family after six years abroad. He looked around expectedly ,hoping to hear his voice being called out but he heard no sweet voices. He turned around and saw his parents, their dear faces shining with pride and pleasure but of his teenage twin sisters-none. There was no sign of them.
"They must be hiding somewhere-they love to play hide and seek."His father smiled but said nothing. His mother kept on hugging him not allowing him to say anything. His father murmured,"Let's get home.They're waiting for us at home." Radzi smiled, relieved to know they were at home. He kept on talking about how he toured Europe as Wani asked him to in her letter and he was rather puzzled whenever his parents exchanged glances.
Reaching home,he spied a lone figure at the door."Why one There should be two."The twins were inseparable but it could be that six years had made all the difference.As that lone figure rushed towards him, he thought it was Wani but she said she was Wati. So it must be. He really could not differentiate between the two of them and they had fun deceiving him all the time.
And they really had a lot of laughter over his mistaking one for the other.
“Where’s Wani ”
“In your bedroom.”
“Wani，Bang’s home.”
He walked into his room and read the words 'Welcome Home, Dr.Radzi!' He trusted his twin sisters to be so dramatic! He was studying medicine as a doctor and he had been focusing on his final examinations which needed much concentration. Wati invited him to go down stream to their favorite hideout."Bang, I wish to be alone with you without Wani.Wani can wait her turn."
注意：
1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；
2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语；
3.续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好：
4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Paragraph 1:
In a quiet sad and serious tone,she related what had happened to Wani.
Paragraph 2:
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard.
复习巩固
续写的四大步骤是 ， ， ， 。
阅读文本要找寻的信息是 ， ， 。
拓展原则为：情节--？--？
语言素材积累
哭的词汇：
cry for/over sth., have a good cry, weep for sth., weep at/over sth.;
choke with sob, sob one’s heart out, sob out one’s story, sob into one’s palms, a long wail, whimper in pain
悲伤痛苦的句子表达：
她躺在床上，痛得呜咽。
她呜咽着说了什么，听不清。
我看见一个老太太在街角处捶胸痛痛哭。
看到妈妈从门后面走出来，孩子开始嚎啕大哭。
当他张开双臂拥抱我，我感觉自己的嗓子哽住了。
我姐姐终于再也控制不住自己的情绪，捂着手绢呜咽起来。
她哭着诉说自己儿子不幸的遭遇。
听到这个 悲惨的故事，她忍不住掉下了眼泪。
在初到公司的那一年，我也不知道该怎么熬下去。(共27张PPT)
读后续写
七彩阳光
-- by Beryl
读后续写四个步骤
1. 读懂大意，理清脉络
读所给的不完整故事，弄清大意和主题，理清故事的主要人物和事件。
2. 抓取伏笔，细读首句
敏锐抓取原文细节及伏笔，结合两段的首句，思考大致框架。
3. 增加细节，开始写作
依据情节发展和常识，在确定的框架内，可按“ 情节—感受—反应” 的逻辑构思大致框架。
4. 修改润色，整洁誊写
思考再三，把修改润色后的续写整洁地写入答卷。
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。续写的词数应为150左右。
Radzi was the first out of the plane. He collected his luggge and quckily made his way to the arrival, hardly able to contain his excitement at meeting his family after six years abroad. He looked around expectedly ,hoping to hear his voice being called out but he heard no sweet voices. He turned around and saw his parents, their dear faces shining with pride and pleasure but of his teenage twin sisters-none. There was no sign of them.
"They must be hiding somewhere-they love to play hide and seek."His father smiled but said nothing. His mother kept on hugging him not allowing him to say anything. His father murmured,"Let's get home.They're waiting for us at home." Radzi smiled, relieved to know they were at home. He kept on talking about how he toured Europe as Wani asked him to in her letter and he was rather puzzled whenever his parents exchanged glances.
Reaching home,he spied a lone figure at the door."Why one There should be two."The twins were inseparable but it could be that six years had made all the difference.As that lone figure rushed towards him, he thought it was Wani but she said she was Wati. So it must be. He really could not differentiate between the two of them and they had fun deceiving him all the time.
And they really had a lot of laughter over his mistaking one for the other.
“Where’s Wani ”
“In your bedroom.”
“Wani，Bang’s home.”
He walked into his room and read the words 'Welcome Home, Dr.Radzi!' He trusted his twin sisters to be so dramatic! He was studying medicine as a doctor and he had been focusing on his final examinations which needed much concentration. Wati invited him to go down stream to their favorite hideout."Bang, I wish to be alone with you without Wani.Wani can wait her turn."
注意：
1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；
2.至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语；
3.续写部分分为两段，每段开头语已为你写好：
4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。
Paragraph 1:
In a quiet sad and serious tone,she related what had happened to Wani.
Paragraph 2:
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard.
Reading
1. 读懂大意，理清脉络
主要是 根据记叙文的六要素弄清文章大意，特别要弄清故事的人物，时态（通常是一般过去时），事件（故事的起因和经过），语言特色（以便在续写语言特色前后一致，保持不变），等等。
人物时态和事件
语言特色不要变
Basic information
who: Radzi, parents, twin sisters
when: come back home after 6 years abroad
where: airport -- home -- graveyard
tense&person
simple past tense & third person
content Time
Plot
Emotion
where’s Wani
plot mountain
come back from abroad
arrive at home
ending
Read for the plot
Ending
where’s Wani
excited
relieved
&
puzzled
The plot & the feelings
parents’ words and glances
out of plane...
abnormal
a lone figure
2. 抓取伏笔，细读首句
"They must be hiding somewhere-they love to play hide and seek."His father smiled but said nothing. His mother kept on hugging him not allowing him to say anything. His father murmured,"Let's get home.They're waiting for us at home." ... He kept on talking about how he toured Europe as Wani asked him to in her letter and he was rather puzzled whenever his parents exchanged glances.
Reaching home,he spied a lone figure at the door."Why one There should be two."The twins were inseparable but it could be that six years had made all the difference.
Para.1
In a quiet sad and serious tone,she related what had happened to Wani.
Why was she sad and serious
what had happened to Wani
How did Radiz respond to the fact
where’s Wani
2. 抓取伏笔，细读首句
Para.2
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard.
Who wrote the letter
What’s on the letter
What influence will the lette have on Radiz
where’s Wani
2. 抓取伏笔，细读首句
Para.1
In a quiet sad and serious tone,she related what had happened to Wani.
Para.2
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard.
两段首句定一框
即根据所给两段的首句确定第一段的框架。
由第一句可知接下去要讲明“what had happened to Wani”及之后人物的反应，由第二段首句可知第一段结尾要写明“letter”是如何出现的。
二框二首正能量
由第二段首句与正能量结尾来确定第二段的框架。
由第二段首句“letter”和“graveyard”， 可知Radzi带着信去了墓地，接下来应描写信的内容及人物的反应。考虑正能量的结尾，主人公应是接受了现实并能积极面对。
首句——框架
3. 增加细节，开始写作
依据情节发展和常识，在确定的框架内，可按“ 情节—感受—反应” 的逻辑构思大致框架。
构思
Para.1
In a quiet sad and serious tone,she related what had happened to Wani....
情节：Wani had passed away because of illness.
感受：sad/grief & angry (nobody told him the truth)
反应：expressions; words; deeds
构思
Para.2
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard.
情节：He read the letter at the graveyard.
感受：painful/bitter but being comforted
反应：expressions; words; deeds
第五档
(21-25) 与所给短文融洽度高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接合理。
内容丰富，应用了5个以上短文中标出的关键词语。
所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确， 可能有些错误，但完全不影响意义表达。
有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑。
key words
logical plot
rich, accurate, coherent(连贯的)
language
Requirements for writing
语言特色
1. He looked around expectantly, hoping to hear his voice being called out but he heard no sweet voice. (非谓语作状语)
2. Radzi smiled, relieved to know they were at home.(非谓语作状语)
3. He turned around and saw his parents, their dear faces shining with pride and pleasure. (独立主格结构)
4.As that lone figure rushed towards him ,he thought it was Wani but she said she was Wati. (状语从句)
5. He really could not ... and they had fun deceiving him all the time.
(并列句)
4. 修改润色，整洁誊写
审读初稿，注意语义是否衔接，前后是否连贯，事件是否符合逻辑，语言特色是否与前文一致。在修改润色之后，整齐工整地誊写在答卷上。
1.cry for/over sth., have a good cry, weep for sth., weep at/over sth.;
choke with sob, sob one’s heart out, sob out one’s story, sob into one’s palms, a long wail, whimper in pain
2. She lay on the bed, whimpering in pain.她躺在床上，痛得呜咽。
3. She whimpered something inaudible.
她呜咽着说了什么，听不清。
4. I saw an old lady wailing with fist beating her chest in the street corner.
我看见一个老太太在街角处捶胸痛痛哭。
5. The child started to wail when he saw his mother walking out from behind the door.看到妈妈从门后面走出来，孩子开始嚎啕大哭。
续写素材（悲伤痛苦）
6. When he embraced me with his arms open wide, I felt my throat choke with sob.当他张开双臂拥抱我，我感觉自己的嗓子哽住了。
7. Finally my sister broke down, sobbing into her handkerchief.
我姐姐终于再也控制不住自己的情绪，捂着手绢呜咽起来。
8. She sobbed out the story of her son's unfortunate experience.
她哭着诉说自己儿子不幸的遭遇。
9. She couldn’t restrained herself from weeping when she heard of the miserable story.听到这个悲惨的故事，她忍不住掉下了眼泪。
Neither did I know how I could get through the days a year ago during my fresh year in the company.
在初到公司的那一年，我也不知道该怎么熬下去。
续写素材（悲伤痛苦）
Paragraph1:
In a quiet sad and serious tone, she related what had happened to Wani. A year ago, Wani fell seriously ill and was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone wanted to tell Radzi but Wani begged them not to (as he was sitting for his final examinations and she did not want to distract him). Everyone had to promise and even after his finals, she wrote him to tour Europe before coming home. She sent him photos of her with Wati, smiling, cheerful, and healthy. Radzi was stunned and asked in agony, “How could she Why did you let her do it Why Why ” Wati kept silent. All she could do was to hug her brother, comforting him (as he sobbed his heart out). The tears dried up, Wati held out a letter. The handwriting was familiar to Radzi.
参考范文
情节
感受
反应
反应引起下一个反应，推动情节发展
Paragraph2:
He took the letter and walked to the graveyard. Wati went with him, then left him to read the letter and to be alone in spirit with his beloved sister. “Bang, please don’t grieve. Remember me as the healthy, cheerful, fun-loving sister. Treasure our past moments and keep me always in your heart. Wati is with you. In her, you see me. I want to be a doctor like you. I can’t but you are one now. Be the best doctor I know. I am proud of you.” While reading the letter, a strange peace fell on him. It was as though she was beside him, comforting him and holding his hand. He looked around, saw Wati and her warm smile. In Wati, he did see Wani. Radzi walked up to his sister, took her hand and walked home together in the gentle moonlight.
信件内容
安慰，积极，正能结尾
考生作文主要问题：
1. 关键情节未读懂，单词“graveyard”不认识，导致后续严重偏差，Wani还活着。
2. 人名混乱，Wati和Wani混淆，Bang和Radiz写成两个人。
3. 人称错误，第三人称写成第一人称。
4. 第一段首句和第二句，第一段尾句和第二段首句，第二段首句和第二句逻辑连不上。
3. 生搬硬套，把所背素材不分语境的使用。
4. 句法错误较多，想写长句但避免不了语法错误。如句子成分缺失或重复，时态语态错误等。
解决策略：
1. 加大阅读量，带着目的，找关键因素，可采取课堂快速阅读训练，规定时间内快速抓取基本信息和关键因素。建议按文体类型有区分地训练。
2. 续写素材背的时候尽量结合语境，以及重视平常的练习中可积累的素材，这样会更了解素材的出处和语境。
3. 日常进行长难句的翻译或造句的训练，提高写句子的能力，避免写长句时出现致命错误。
考生作文一
这一句和第一句连接不顺，应去掉。
人称错误
情节
感受
反应
这一句和第一句连接不顺。
信件内容未提及。
考生作文二
未有提及具体发生了什么，情节有缺失
感受-悲
反应-语言(怒)
结尾未提到信件，
与后文没连接。
信件内容
安慰，积极，正能结尾

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