资源简介

(共21张PPT)
读后续写专项练习
游泳小将的幸运冰淇淋
阅读下面材料, 根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段, 使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Mike licked (舔) the last of the chocolate ice cream. It was almost time to leave. He jumped into the car with his parents and headed off to the Olympic-sized pool for the big swim meet. When his race came up, Mike was confident. He was strong and swift. Mike climbed out the pool, smiling. He had just won first place.
A week later, it was time for another swim meet. Like before, Mike decided to enjoy his favorite flavored ice cream before they left home. As Mike climbed out the pool, his teammates patted (拍) him on the back. He’d taken first place again in his race.
As it turned out, Mike decided to have some chocolate ice cream before every one of the next few swim meets that came up. He began to think of it as his lucky charm. After several months of placing in the top positions of every race he swam, Mike was feeling unbeatable. And he wouldn’t admit it, but he was also starting to feel a little uncomfortable. All that ice cream was adding a few pounds to his athletic swimmer’s build.
It didn’t take long after that for Mike to start coming in second place — and then third — and then last place in his races. The lucky chocolate ice cream had lost its magic. On the day of his next swim meet, his mother sat down at the table with him. “Mike, I think we need to talk about this. We all love ice cream, but it’s got lots of fat and sugar in it, and it’s not healthy for your body to eat so much of it.” Mike reluctantly agreed. His father offered to go running with him a few days a week to help strengthen his muscles. The extra weight soon disappeared, and Mike found himself breathing easier at swim practices.
It was the last meet of the season, and Mike wasn’t sure what to expect. He felt healthy again, but he didn’t know if he still had any speed in the pool.
注意：
1. 续写词数应为150左右；
2. 请按如下格式在相应位置作答。
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could.
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too.
选出下面几个问题的正确答案，检测一下你是否读懂了原材料。
1. Mike decided to have some chocolate ice cream before every one of the next few swim meets after winning _________ swim meet/meets.
A. one B. two C. three
2. What did Mike regard as his lucky charm
A. Chocolate popcorn. B. Lemon ice cream. C. Chocolate ice cream.
3. Mike lost the extra weight by _________ .
A. swimming B. running C. jumping
B
C
B
理解材料
His mother talked with him about the harm of chocolate ice cream. Mike decided to stop eating chocolate ice cream and lose weight by running.
1. Opening
Mike ate chocolate ice cream before two swim meets and won the two meets.
Mike thought of chocolate ice cream as his lucky charm and decided to eat some before every one of the next few swim meets.
The lucky chocolate ice cream lost its magic soon. Mike began to gain weight and fail in the swim meets.
By exercise, Mike was healthy and strong as before. He broke the record in the last swim meet of the season.
2. Build-up
3. Climax
4. Resolution
5. Ending
研读两段给出句，想想它们给我们提供了哪些续写线索？
Para 1 : As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could.
Q1 : “… he kicked his legs … as far as he could” suggests Mike was determined to win the race; how can we illustrate his determination next
Q2 : “… he realized … everyone else’s too” in Para. 2 suggests the race must have been over in Para. 1; how should we design this
Q3 : How did Mike find out about the results (he had beaten … everyone else’s too)
所给段落开头语描写了迈克跳入水中后，竭尽所能向前游去。这部分内容暗示迈克想要赢得此次比赛的决心。范文接下来的内容围绕迈克在水中的表现展开。同时，续写第二段给出句提到他打破了最佳纪录，因此续写第一段末尾部分应重点刻画比赛结束的内容。
研读两段给出句，想想它们给我们提供了哪些续写线索？
Para 2 : His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too.
Q4 : What does “… he had beaten … everyone else’s too” suggest about the results of the race
Q5 : How might other people (the audience, Mike’s teammates, Mike’s parents) react to Mike’s success
Q6 : “Chocolate ice cream” seems key information in the text; how can we design the ending to echo it
所给段落开头暗示接下来要说明比赛结果。接下来需要写明周围人对Mike成绩的反应。同时，最后需要点明主题词ice cream，使文章有头有尾，做到有机衔接。
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could. _______
_________________________________________________________ （每当他浮出水面喘口气时，他都能看到自己快要赶上隔壁赛道上的那个男孩。Whenever引导时间状语从句，gain on sb）_______________________________________________________ （下定决心要超越他，Mike在肌肉中找到了向前游所需要的力量。现在分词作状语，定语从句）and as his hand touched the edge of the pool, the race was over. He lifted his swim glasses off his head and looked at the electronic board. He knew he wasn’t last, but what was his time
根据括号中的提示，补出范文缺失的部分。
阅读以下参考范文，并学习范文的精彩表达。
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could. Whenever he came up for a breath, he could see he was gaining on the boy ahead of him in the next lane. Feeling determined to pass him, Mike found the power in his muscles he needed to swim ahead, and as his hand touched the edge of the pool, the race was over. He lifted his swim glasses off his head and looked at the electronic board. He knew he wasn’t last, but what was his time
范文精彩语言——衔接自然，符合事实
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could. Whenever he came up for a breath, he could see he was gaining on the boy ahead of him in the next lane. Feeling determined to pass him, Mike found the power in his muscles he needed to swim ahead, and as his hand touched the edge of the pool, the race was over. He lifted his swim glasses off his head and looked at the electronic board. He knew he wasn’t last, but what was his time
竭尽所能，想要赢得比赛
逐渐赶上
重获力量
比赛结束，与下一段首句呼应
比赛结果
观众、队员、父母的反应
故事续写不能突兀，需要符合事实逻辑，具有连贯性
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too._______________________________________________________ （Mike赢得了比赛，他也获得了参加全国锦标赛的资格。过去完成时，qualify for sth)The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. “Hey son, let’s go and have some of your favorite ice cream and celebrate!” said his father. _____________________________（“谢谢，爸爸，不过冰淇淋我就不吃了。它根本不是什么幸运符!”pass on, such, after all ）
根据括号中的提示，补出范文缺失的部分。
阅读以下参考范文，并学习范文的精彩表达。
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too. Mike had won his race, and he had also qualified for the national championships. The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. “Hey son, let’s go and have some of your favorite ice cream and celebrate!” said his father. “Thanks, Dad, but I’ll pass on the ice cream; it’s not such a lucky charm after all!”
范文精彩语言——衔接自然，符合事实
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too. Mike had won his race, and he had also qualified for the national championships. The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. “Hey son, let’s go and have some of your favorite ice cream and celebrate!” said his father. “Thanks, Dad, but I’ll pass on the ice cream; it’s not such a lucky charm after all!”
回归中心词：chocolate ice cream
升华主题
故事续写不能突兀，需要符合事实逻辑，具有连贯性
范文精彩语言——动作描写，具有画面感
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could. Whenever he came up for a breath, he could see he was gaining on the boy ahead of him
in the next lane. Feeling determined to pass him, Mike found the power in his muscles he needed to swim ahead, and as his hand touched the edge of the pool, the race was over. He lifted his swim glasses off his head and looked at the electronic board. He knew he wasn’t last, but what was his time
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too. Mike had won his race, and he had also qualified for the national championships. The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. “Hey son, let’s go and have some of your favorite ice cream and celebrate!” said his father. “Thanks, Dad, but I’ll pass on the ice cream; it’s not such a lucky charm after all!”
动作描写使故事具有画面感，平时练习时要注意动词的积累
As he dove into the water, he kicked his legs and stretched his arms as far as he could. Whenever he came up for a breath, he could see he was gaining on the boy ahead of him in the next lane. Feeling determined to pass him, Mike found the power in his muscles he needed to swim ahead, and as his hand touched the edge of the pool, the race was over. He lifted his swim glasses off his head and looked at the electronic board. He knew he wasn’t last, but what was his time
His jaw dropped as he realized he had beaten his own best time, and everyone else’s too. Mike had won his race, and he had also qualified for the national championships. The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. “Hey son, let’s go and have some of your favorite ice cream and celebrate!” said his father. “Thanks, Dad, but I’ll pass on the ice cream; it’s not such a lucky charm after all!”
Whenever引导时间状语从句
gain on
ahead of
现在分词作状语
定语从句
lift off
过去完成时
laugh from ear to ear
qualify for
pass on
such a
after all
范文精彩语言——高级表达
比赛前吃巧克力冰淇淋，赢得两场比赛。决定之后每次比赛前都吃。
Mike的体重因为吃多了巧克力冰淇淋直线上升，比赛成绩却一路下滑。
和妈妈谈话后，Mike决定戒食巧克力冰淇淋，并锻炼减肥。
Mike恢复健康，在本季最后一场游泳比赛中打破纪录。
Mike明白让自己获胜的不是巧克力冰淇淋，而是自己的努力和决心。升华主题。
紧扣中心词：chocolate ice cream
高级语块
gain on sb.
接近，逼近所追逐的人
ahead of
在……前面
somebody’s jaw dropped
= somebody’s jaw fell / sagged
突然吃惊得张口结舌（有时也表失望之意）
qualify for
达标；获得参赛资格
laugh from ear to ear
咧着嘴笑
pass on sth.
不要某物；免掉某物
feel determined to do sth.
决心要做某事
the edge of
······的边缘
after all
毕竟
亮点评述
1. Whenever he came up for a breath, he could see he was gaining on the boy ahead of him in the next lane. Feeling determined to pass him, Mike found the power in his muscles he needed to swim ahead … (Para. 1)
续写部分使用两处细节描写来展现Mike想获胜的决心：Whenever he came up for a breath … 和Feeling determined to pass him …美国著名编剧、小说家恰克·帕拉尼克（Chuck Palahniuk，《搏击俱乐部》小说原作者）曾在2013年提到一个写作秘诀：写故事时，更多地应思考如何去展示，而不是告知（show, don’t tell）。好的描写让读者感受到人物之所“想”，而不是简单告知读者人物的想法，这样的写法让笔下的人物有血有肉、鲜活生动、人物形象跃然纸上。
2. The audience and his teammates cheered loudly, and his parents were laughing from ear to ear. (Para. 2)
该句内容围绕观众、队友、Mike的父母对他取得不俗成绩的反应展开，此部分内容用人物“所做”表达其“所感”，值得借鉴。
亮点评述
续写素材积累
Para 1
1. He swam forward with all his strength, not coming up for a breath till he felt it was really necessary.
2. He swam like a flying fish; other swimmers were left far behind instantly.
3. Soon all the swimmers were out of the water; the race was over.
4. Sticking his head out of the water, he took a quick glance at the electronic board showing the results.
5. He knew he had won the race, letting out a deep sigh of relief.
6. He’d taken first place again. What a nice surprise!
7. The stadium was filled with a roar of applause.
Para 2
谢
谢
观
看

展开更多......

收起↑