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(共19张PPT)
Asad was a 13-year-old boy who was very honest and hardworking. Recently, he had entered a new school, so he had no friends yet. On Monday morning, he was nearly late for school. The night before, his family attended his cousin's wedding and reached home late, which was why he couldn't get up on time as usual.
At school, Asad could not pay attention to anything and wanted the bell to ring so that he could buy something to eat. After a few hours, when the bell rang, Asad quickly opened his schoolbag to find his money, but just then he remembered that he had left for school in a hurry in the morning and forgotten to take money. He looked under his books, hoping to find some money but there was nothing.
Not knowing what to do, he walked out of the classroom and sat on a bench in front of the canteen. He saw a few of his classmates there, among them was Fahad. He was one of the richest kids in his class, but he was a very arrogant boy who thought everyone else was a loser. But as Asad was new, he didn't know much about Fahad.
When he went towards Fahad and asked if he could borrow some money for his lunch, Fahad laughed a lot and said, “I knew you were a loser, maybe a beggar " Fahad laughed out so loud that other kids also heard and made fun of the situation. He didn't answer Fahad, and slowly walked back towards an empty bench.
When he reached the bench, he noticed something lying near it. It was a wallet. He picked it up and recognized it as Fahad's, as he remembered Fahad showing it to his friends and telling that his uncle bought it for him from the UK. There was quite a lot of money inside for a kid.
Problem-solving
01
02
03
04
Read for plot
Read for characters
Tips to vivify a passage
Apply in writing
Ways to make a passage vivid
Readers make the best writers!
*Read for plot
Asad
Fahad
A 13-year-old boy;
A new comer (no friends)
One of the richest
didn’t know much
penniless
laughed
Conflict1: Asad VS. Fahad
Conflict2: Asad VS. himself
*Read for characters
Asad
Fahad
honest
hardworking
lonely in school
…
arrogant
indifferent
…
Conflict1: Asad VS. Fahad
Conflict2: Asad VS. himself
Personality traits determine one’s deeds
Analyzing the given sentences
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad.
Did Asad change his mind
A. Yes
B. No
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ”
Were they reconciled with each other
honest
hardworking
lonely in school
A. Yes
B. No
Analyzing the given sentences
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad.
Did Asad change his mind
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ”
Were they reconciled with each other
Why did he change his mind
Feel
See
Hear
Think
What did he react to the return of his wallet
Did they befriend each other
Conflict2: Asad VS. himself
Conflict1: Asad VS. Fahad
* Tips to vivify a passage
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad.
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ”
How did he change his mind
Feel
See
Hear
Think
Describe in multiple dimensions.
Feel
Describe in multiple dimensions.
delighted/hesitant/be torn between… /nervous
2. Asad felt the heat in his body rising, his cheeks burning crimson red; he was torn between picking up the unclaimed wallet and walking away.
3. Asad was like sitting on pins and needles. For the first time in his life, he was in such a dither.
1. Picturing Fahad’s awkward face when he found his wallet gone, Asad couldn’t help sniggering.
4. Unrest, he trudged to the end of the waiting line, with beads of perspiration coating his forehead.
5. Standing in the crowd, he could feel the drenching shirt sticking to his back, the throbbing of his eyes, and the thumping of his heart pumping against his chest.
See
1.He forced his mind on something else. However, moments later, his eyes strayed away and landed on the exquisite wallet.
2. Noticing Fahad striding in front of the queue, cocking his head high among other students, Asad suddenly felt a bit sorry for the embarrassment he was going to face.
3. Asad noticed someone squatting on the roadside, shoulders heaving and dipping. It was Fahad, who buried his face in his crooks, silently weeping.
4. Asad threw a casual glace in the direction of Fahad, who still knew nothing about his precious wallet. Unfortunately, their eyes met. At the counter, he saw Fahad’s hands feeling around in his pocket, only to find nothing.
Describe in multiple dimensions.
Hear
Describe in multiple dimensions.
Soon when it was Fahad’s turn, he shoved his hands into his pocket, only to find nothing. That was the moment he gasped and cried out in an alarm, “Where is my wallet ”
Some gossips began. Asad heard words of gloat, someone who had never like Fahad, now was rejoicing in his embarrassment.
1. “ This should serve him right.” Asad was surprised when this idea popped out in his mind.
2. At that moment, memories of childhood and words of being honest rang beside his ears. “Whenever you’re faced with dilemma, always choose to be an honest good guy.”
Weave in several quotations and dialogues.
Think
3. Starvation nearly drove Asad nuts, but an inner voice struck him, freezing his outstretched hands, “If you pick the wallet up, Asad, you’ll be a complete loser, a thief.”
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad.
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ”
Transition: Asad decided to return the wallet to Fahad.
Asad confessed he was ill-conditioned at first.
“Why do you have my wallet in your hands ”
Reread the ending of paragraph 1 and the beginning of paragraph 2 to write a more natural transition.
* Tips to vivify a passage
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad.
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ”
How did he change his mind
Describe in multiple dimensions.
Weave in several quotations and dialogues.
What did Fahad react to the return of his wallet
surprised/dumbfounded/embarrassed/ashamed/abashed
He said these in a low voice. He didn’t dare to look into Asad’s eyes.
Murmuring in a low voice, he dodged Asad’s shining eyes, somehow even not daring to look into them.
Replace general verbs with detailed ones.
Add appropriate adjectives.
Polish sentences with non-finite verbs
* Tips to vivify a passage
One possible version
At first, Asad wanted to keep it a secret and punished Fahad. But it was not easy. He felt the heat in his body rising, and his cheeks blushing. Throwing a glance at Fahad, who was chatting happily, cocking his head high, Asad suddenly felt a bit sorry for the embarrassment he was going to face. Just at the moment Fahad gasped and cried out in alarm, “Oh hell, where is my wallet ” Some gossips began. Asad heard words of gloat. Overwhelmed by guilt, Asad quickly picked up the wallet and strode to Fahad, “I found it over there, and I think it is yours. ”Seeing the dumbfounded face of Fahad, he added, “I thought of sneaking it, of course.” Recalling what he had done to Asad, Fahad suddenly hesitated to take the wallet.
Then Fahad said, “Why are you giving back ” Murmuring in a low voice, he dodged Asad’s shining eyes, somehow even not daring to look into them. What replied him was a sigh, “Because it belongs to you.” After confession, the air seemed still and it became weird that no one uttered a single word. Just at this moment, Asad’s stomach seemed to be the first to break the awkwardness by growling loud. To his astonishment, the arrogant boy, Fahad, reached out his hand, stammering, “W…What about having lunch together ” Before Asad could say anything, Fahad quickly added, “Of course, my treat.” It was on that very day that Asad made his first friend in the new school, and he truly reckoned the value of sincerity and honesty in a relationship.

学生考场作文评析
对于主人公Asad动作和心理的描写比较丰富，刻画出小男孩善良、真诚的品质，对故事的两个冲突基本做了交代；
第一段续写中“Walking back to the classroom”对故事发生的场景理解有误;
第一段结尾处写到Asad将钱包还给Fahad后转身离开，没有交代钱包的由来，与第二段开头的衔接产生问题。
学生考场作文评析
故事描写非常细腻生动，把小男孩Asad的内心世界展现在读者面前；
个别词汇和搭配不当，如：stood rootedly, by the chance等;
文章结尾处没有对Asad在新学校孤独、没有朋友这个困境给出一个完美结局，有少许遗憾。
虽然有一些小错误，但整个故事写得还是比较生动、有画面感；
文章结尾处对Fahad为什么会有这么傲慢的行为做了一个解释，但同样没有对Asad在新学校孤独、没有朋友这个困境给出一个完美结局，有少许遗憾;
英文书写不够圆润。
学生考场作文评析

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