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2024年2月新阵地联盟读后续写讲评逃离火山岛设计
浙江省新阵地教育联盟2024届第三次联考
Rising to reach for the book on the desk in the living room, Gudrun fell over her little brother, who had crawled out from underneath her chair. “Arnar! Why do you always have to be right under me ”The five-year-old giggled. “I was hiding,” he said, “and you found me.”“I'm not playing,” Gudrun scolded. “I'm knitting. And it's time for you to go to bed.” Her parents had gone out for the evening, leaving Gudrun in charge.“Let me hide once more,” Arnar begged. “Then I'll go to sleep, I promise.”Gudrun couldn't help smiling. “Oh, all right.” She turned back to her knitting. “I'll look for you when I've finished this row.”“Here's a clue,” Arnar called as he skipped away. “Look for me where I always am.”But Gudrun was already absorbed in her work.Gudrun wasn't sure what had awakened her in the middle of the night. Was it the urgency in Mamma's voice or the frightening and low rumble that rolled through her room Gudrun found herself suddenly wide awake, drawn to the window by a strange and unfamiliar brilliance outside. “An eruption,” Mamma said as she began to gather Gudrun's clothes. “Maybe Helga fell, maybe a new volcano. We must leave the island quickly.”“Tonight How ” Gudrun asked, her heart pounding. “Where will we go ”“We're lucky. The fishing boats will take us to the mainland.” Mamma turned to face Gudrun. “Pabbi has already gone to the harbor. I'm going to help Margret.” Their elderly neighbor lived alone. Mamma proceeded, “can you dress Arnar and take him to the harbor by yourself ”“Of course,” she declared. Everyone would help tonight. Icelanders had always worked together to survive in a land ruled by volcanoes, glaciers, and ocean.Gudrun dressed and ran to her brother's room. “Arnar!” she cried, “Wake up!” Hearing no response, Gudrun hurried to the bed and pulled back her brother's thick cover.
注意：
1. 续写词数应为150 左右;
2. 开头已给出。
Para1: Arnar wasn’t there!
Para2: There, curled around a worn stuffed bear, was Arnar, sound asleep.
文本简析：
主题语境：人与社会 ---姐弟情以及面对灾难时人类的勇敢和坚韧。
主要内容：
第一部分：Gudrun 在家照看弟弟，织毛衣的同时，弟弟捉迷藏，让姐姐找他。
Gudrun起身去拿客厅桌子上的书，却被从她椅子底下爬出来的小弟弟绊倒了。“Arnar !你为什么总要在我下面 ”
五岁的孩子咯咯地笑。“我躲起来了，”他说，“你找到了我。”
“我不是在玩，” Gudrun责备道。“我织毛衣呢。你该上床睡觉了。”她的父母晚上出去了，留下Gudrun照看。
“让我再躲一次吧。”Arnar恳求道。“然后我就去睡觉，我保证。”
Gudrun忍不住笑了。“哦，好吧。”她转身继续织毛衣。“我织完这一行就去找你。”
“这儿有个线索。”阿纳尔一边说一边跳开了。“去我常去的地方找我。”
但Gudrun已经全神贯注于她的工作。
第二段：半夜妈妈回来叫醒Gudrun ,告诉她火山喷发的险情并布置任务：带弟弟去港口；
Gudrun不知道是什么在半夜把她吵醒了。是妈妈声音里的急迫，还是她房间里传来的可怕的低沉的隆隆声 Gudrun突然发现自己完全清醒了，被外面一种陌生的光芒吸引到窗前。“火山爆发了，”妈妈一边说一边开始收拾 Gudrun的衣服。“也许Helga陨落了，也许是一座新的火山。我们必须尽快离开这个岛。”
“今晚 如何 ” Gudrun问，她的心怦怦直跳。“我们去哪儿 ”
“我们幸运。渔船会把我们带到大陆的。”妈妈转过身来面对Gudrun。“Pabbi已经去港口了。我要去帮助Margaret。”他们年迈的邻居独自生活。妈妈接着说:“你能给Arnar穿好衣服，自己带他去港口吗 ”
第三段：Gudrun 也是勇敢的冰岛人之一，立刻去找弟弟　；
“当然，”她说。今晚每个人都愿意帮忙。冰岛人一直团结一致，在这片由火山、冰川和海洋统治的土地上生存。
Gudrun穿好衣服，跑到她弟弟的房间。“Arnar !她喊道，“醒醒!” Gudrun听不到回应，急忙走到床边，拉开弟弟的厚被子。
设计理念：
1. 本文冲突非常清晰---找到弟弟，带弟弟一起去港口，逃离岛屿；
2. 原文刚开始呈现的是温馨的姐弟俩的日常场景。弟弟爱玩捉迷藏，姐姐织毛衣。但是半夜时分，妈妈叫醒姐姐，告诉她火山喷发了并让姐姐去找弟弟，自己则去帮助邻居Margret.
3.在创作这个版本之前，笔者看过很多下水作文，基本都只讲姐弟情深。笔者认为立意角度来设计结尾，也是比较独特的一种构思。设计需要花点心思,笔者考虑的结尾：结合原文“今晚每个人都愿意帮忙。冰岛人一直团结一致，在这片由火山、冰川和海洋统治的土地上生存。” 考生不妨把续写的立意体现一下。虽然家园被毁，但坚韧的冰岛人一定会重建家园。
教学步骤123
Step1: Pre-reading ( Look at the pictures in PPT)
T: Do you have a brother or a sister Can you describe your brother or sister
T: Today we will get to know Gudrun and Arnar. Please read the text first
While-reading
Step2: Read for main ideas of each paragraph
梳理原文本故事情节，人物，地点, 时间，本文要解决的冲突等。
Step3: Read for clues for the new plot of the continuation writing
再读为了探寻续写构建情节可能利用的伏笔，进行续写创作。
Post-reading
Step4: 结合所给段首句，注重段落衔接，进行平行内容以及交叉内容创作，并框定每段大体内容。
注意：本文要解决的问题两个：1. 姐姐顺利找到弟弟；2 姐姐带弟弟到港口，与爸妈一起上船，逃离火山，告别故土。但是坚毅勇敢的冰岛人一定会重建家园！

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