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续写讲义：绍兴二模续写分析讲义
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
Kevin woke to the blaring beep of his alarm clock. "Can't wait for that camping trip, "Kevin thought, filled with excitement. As he was leaving home, his dad grabbed him by the hand and said, "Before you go, just tell me the directions on where you and your friends are going to stay. "
"But dad!" Kevin complained.
"No buts!" Kevin's dad added.
"Fine. "Kevin told him the directions and left.
The three friends, Kevin, Jay and Nathan, had been planning this adventure for weeks, packing their stuff-tents, snacks, and a map-preparing for a 3-day outdoor exploration. Excitement ran through Kevin as they departed for their campsite. "This trip is going to be awesome, " Nathan excitedly yelled as they set off. But little did they know that nature had a surprise in store for them.
The first day at the campsite was going great, setting up tents, collecting firewood, and sharing stories. "Man, we nailed these tents, " Kevin said. "I know it was easy really, "Nathan replied. The friends were happy.
Yet towards night, as the dark clouds gathered overhead, the atmosphere shifted, and a sudden storm erupted with unforgiving anger. Rain poured down from the heavens like a relentless waterfall, transforming the peaceful campsite into a muddy battleground. Worse still, a huge tree was uprooted and crashed down with a deafening crack on their only means of escape - their car. Kevin's eyes widened in horror as he spotted the damaged wreckage beneath the fallen giant. "Our car!" he screamed over the howling wind, his voice a mix of disbelief and despair. "We're stuck here, " he declared, his words barely audible against the backdrop of thunder and raindrops. They realized that their plans had been violently spoiled by forces beyond their control. The once quiet campsite now stood as a deserted battlefield, the fallen tree serving as a painful reminder of the unpredictable nature of the world around them.
注意：1. 续写词数应为150左右；2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Paragraph 1: The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water.
Paragraph 2: On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness.
52143法解读：5W解读、2条线索，1个主题，4句框架和3大原则
第一步：Analyze the story：5Ws 解读who when where what why
Who---Kevin: the son ; Kevin’s dad; Jay and Nathan (Kevin’s friends)
分析： 全文以Kevin 为主要视角讲述故事。Paragraph 1: The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water. 第一段人物落在Kevin 和他两位好友身上。Paragraph 2: On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness. 第二段人物落在Kevin’s dad 和Kevin等三个朋友身上。
When---three days at the campsite 根据原文：the first day---the first night
Paragraph 1: The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water.
Paragraph 2: On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness.
分析：共三天的露营经历，第一天加晚上原文提供。第一段是第二天白天，晚上加第三天白天。第二段发生在第三天晚上。注意两段续写里的时间衔接合理性。
Where---at the campsite in the wilderness.
分析：续写两段都地点设定在野外露营地，第一段地点根据the immediate problem of finding water地点可以移动到如river, stream, brook等溪流地。第二段仍然在露营地，最后可以（但不是必须）转场回家，点主题。
What ：Kevin 和两好朋友去野外露营遇到大雨被困最后被救的故事。
Why ：主题语境为人与自然。通过大自然给人的unpredictable surprise，既讲述野外露营的安全性问题又强调面对困境人所表现的问题解决能力以及展现的勇敢和坚韧的品质。符合自然灾害与防范，安全常识与自我保护内容要求的考查。
第二步：2143抓两线索,定一个主题,写四个框架句，并基于三个原则分析问题冲突和伏笔求变化和解决方案。
一）2条线索：故事线：Kevin和他两个朋友去露营，结果在营地遇到暴雨，并连根拔起一株大树砸在他们唯一的逃生车子上。情感线：eagerness (for camping)---excitement (at the starting trip)---happiness (on the first day)---horror (at stormy night)---desperation/courage/resilience/determination (the next day in P1)---hope/exhilaration/reflection(on the third night in P2)
二）1个主题：本文主题可以聚焦在：1）野外露营计划告知第三方人的重要性（安全常识）；2）在野外遇到险情或自然灾害展开自救所需要的勇气，坚韧，互助和智慧（自我保护）。本文主题应去亲情化（很多学生落笔于love between father and the son，属于跑偏）。
三）4个框架句：写读后续写不同于写其它作文，有可能需要先倒着写的
Step 1: 先把最后一句写好，即：主题句
Back home, Kevin's dad said, “Good thing you told me those directions,” teaching them the importance of informing someone about plans. The experience turned into tales of courage and resilience,embedded in their memories as lessons for a lifetime.
Step 2: 再把衔接句写好，即第一段的最后一句：
Their nerves were near the edge of breaking down after long hours of uncertainty in the wilderness.
Step 3: 紧接着每段的提示语句运用主位推进手法写角色的动作和情感反应：
The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water. The boys pushed through the bushes, and the search for water soon drained their energy.
On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness. “It must be my dad!” Kevin yelled.
四）接下来就是把每段的中间补充完整，记住三大原则：
1.Action—Response原则：角色A的所言、所行、所感、所想会引起其它角色的一系列反应的。如对话必点题，也就是说在续写中不鼓励角色之间用直接引语进行对话，可以用运用情感加具体动作的白描手法进行respond, 推动情节。
2.Conflict—Solution原则：一般而言第二段会有问题的solution，比如本文的 solution根据a distant engine sound就知道是Kevin的爸爸开车来救了。有些学生写了the rescue team, all the parents等文中没出现的人物来营救，在续写中不妥。
同时思考：续写的solution出现位置是不是千篇一律的第二段？能否在第一段出现一个问题，然后把它解决了。这都要基于对两段首句的仔细研读。
3.Negative—Positive原则：写作中一定要体现情感的变化，无论前面是这样的变化，最终都是积极的。
下面根据本文的原文伏笔点（Problem/conflict/foreshadow）思考如何呼应解决
（Solution/change/echo）
原文伏笔(foreshadow\problem) 解读分析(analysis/reason) 续写呼应(change/solution)
"Fine. "Kevin told him the directions and left. 暗示第二段a distant engine sound是爸爸开车来救。也暗示野外露营告知父母信息的安全常识的重要性 A car slowly pulled up to their campsite and a familiar figure rushed to them---Yes! It was Kevin’s dad !
The three friends, Kevin, Jay and Nathan, had been planning this adventure for weeks, packing their stuff-tents, snacks, and a map-preparing for a 3-day outdoor exploration. 他们所带的东西供三天露营用，跟续写段落第三天晚上被救合扣，说明当时三人可以饥饿恐惧担心但不至于饿昏等更严重的结果。原文提到他们所带之物没水，说明第一段必须得去寻水。所带之物里有map暗示此为寻水时候的工具。 After examining the map, they followed the trail until they found a relentless waterfall cascading down the mountain and flowing into a river, which solved their water crisis.
But little did they know that nature had a surprise in store for them. A surprise 是文章的题眼，暗示主题可以围绕它进行反思提升，也就是聚焦在自然带给他们的问题their plans had been violently spoiled by forces beyond their control，反思在unpredictable nature中进行camping 的安全常识和相应品质的培养。 Back home, Kevin's dad said, “Good thing you told me those directions,” teaching them the importance of informing someone about plans. The experience turned into tales of courage and resilience,embedded in their memories as lessons for a lifetime.
基于以上分析，设置情节如下：
Paragraph 1: The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water.
Q1：What did they do and feel (water seeking/exhaustion/hunger.)
They searched for water but soon got tired and hungry.
Q2：What difficulty did they encounter during the process (energy burnout/encouragement/cooperation)
They wanted to give up, but Kevin encouraged them to go on and later heard the sound of water.
Q3： What was the result/their feeling in the wilderness (stream/river/brook/scare/uncertainty/hopelessness)
They found a stream. But they felt very scared waiting in the darkness of the wilderness.
Paragraph 2: On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness.
Q1: Who came and what were their feelings (Kevin’s father/surprise)
It was Kevin’s father. They felt relieved.
Q2：What was their interaction and feelings (gratitude, and overwhelming joy )
Kevin’s father took them home. They felt grateful and joyful.
Q3：What was their reflection/lesson (theme)
It was important to inform people of the direction in advance.
语言表达 一）升级
1. They searched for water but soon got tired and hungry.
Polished:The boys pushed through the bushes, and the search for water soon drained their energy. (细节动词，无灵主语)
2. They wanted to give up, but Kevin encouraged them to go on and later heard the sound of water.
Polished:They were about to give up when they heard a small sound, a splash of some sort. （固定句式；同位语）
3. They found a stream. But they felt very scared waiting in the darkness of the wilderness.
Polished:They ran as fast as they could and found a small stream- a lifeline in all the challenges. However, with time passing by, more challenge emerged - limited food, frightful night filled with wilderness sounds, and the uncertainty of survival in the wild. Their nerves were near the edge of breaking down after long hours of uncertainty in the wilderness.（固定词组，with短语）
4. It was Kevin’s father. They felt relieved.
Polished:“It must be my dad!” Kevin yelled. Relief washed over the weary faces as they witnessed the approach of a rugged vehicle, with headlights cutting through the darkness - a beacon of hope amidst the peril.
5. Kevin’s father took them home. They felt grateful and joyful.It was important to inform people of the direction in advance.
Polished:The journey back was filled with survival stories and lessons learned, deepening their understanding of the wilderness. Back home, Kevin's dad said, “Good thing you told me those directions,” teaching them the importance of informing someone about plans. The experience turned into tales of courage and resilience,embedded in their memories as lessons for a lifetime.
参考范文：The next day, they found themselves facing the immediate problem of finding water. The boys pushed through the bushes, and the search for water soon drained their energy. They were about to give up when they heard a small sound, a splash of some sort. “Wait! Did you hear that ” Jay’s voice sounded helpful as they followed the faint sound of the water. “Me too! Let's keep going,”, Kevin encouraged, sounding determined. They ran as fast as they could and found a small stream- a lifeline in all the challenges. However, with time passing by, more challenge emerged - limited food, frightful night filled with wilderness sounds, and the uncertainty of survival in the wild. Their nerves were near the edge of breaking down after long hours of uncertainty in the wilderness.
On the third night, a distant engine sound broke the terrible stillness. “It must be my dad!” Kevin yelled. Relief washed over the weary faces as they witnessed the approach of a rugged vehicle, with headlights cutting through the darkness - a beacon of hope amidst the peril. Kevin's dad stepped out to meet the group. The emotions that played across their faces - disbelief, gratitude, and overwhelming joy - mirrored the shared trouble that had forged a deep bond among them. The journey back was filled with survival stories and lessons learned, deepening their understanding of the wilderness. Back home, Kevin's dad said, “Good thing you told me those directions,” teaching them the importance of informing someone about plans. The experience turned into tales of courage and resilience,embedded in their memories as lessons for a lifetime.
语言表达：二）场景
paragraph 1
Scene 1:积极寻水，互相鼓励
1.The boys pushed through the bushes, and the search for water soon drained their energy. They were about to give up when they heard a small sound, a splash of some sort.
2.Dependent on the map, they searched the surroundings and their eyes strained to look for pure water source, yet only to find nothing but a maze of towering pines encircling them.
Scene 2: 被困野外，疲惫惊恐
3.However, with time passing by, more challenge emerged - limited food, frightful night filled with wilderness sounds, and the uncertainty of survival in the wild. Their nerves were near the edge of breaking down after long hours of uncertainty in the wilderness.
4.Fear gnawing at their hearts, they were stranded in the middle of nowhere and were plunged into pitch darkness. After a harvestless day, the mellow twilight smoothly veiled teh skyline and the tranquility prevailed over the forest, but none of the beauty was admired by the three wearing hearts. Struck by despair and remorse, Kevin had nothing to do but pray is dad could come to rescue them. To them, seconds dragged by like centuries.
Paragraph 2
Scene 3:爸爸来救，惊喜释然
5.Kevin yelled. Relief washed over the weary faces as they witnessed the approach of a rugged vehicle, with headlights cutting through the darkness - a beacon of hope amidst the peril.
6. At the sound of the engine, they couldn’t restrain their mixed feelings of fear interwoven with relief anymore, with tears of ecstasy welling up in their eyes. “Here! Here!” They jumped up and down and yelled at the top of their lungs with all their mighty.
Scene 4:野外生存，安全反思
7. The emotions that played across their faces - disbelief, gratitude, and overwhelming joy - mirrored the shared trouble that had forged a deep bond among them. The journey back was filled with survival stories and lessons learned, deepening their understanding of the wilderness. Back home, Kevin's dad said, “Good thing you told me those directions,” teaching them the importance of informing someone about plans. The experience turned into tales of courage and resilience,embedded in their memories as lessons for a lifetime.
8. Kevin’s dad caressed Kevin’s head tenderly, comforting “it’s a bless that you told me your destination!” The mellow moonlight spilled through the leaves, dispelling the previous gloom and telling a story about the mighty unpredictable nature and the timely rescue.

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