资源简介 (2024年南通二模读后续写) 阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。My Best Examination One day, while at work in a coal-mine in Malden, I happened to overhear two miners talking about a great school for poor people in Virginia. It was Hampton Institute. The school was established to provide opportunities for poor but worthy students who could work out all or a part of the cost of board, and at the same time be taught some trade or industry. I was on fire constantly with one ambition, and that was to go to school. I decided at once to go to that school. Finally the great day came and I started for Hampton. I had only a small, cheap bag that contained what few articles of clothing I could get. The distance from Malden to Hampton is about five hundred miles. I had not been away from home many hours before it began to grow painfully evident that I did not have enough money to pay my fare (路费) to Hampton. By walking and begging rides in some way, I finally reached the grounds of the Hampton Institute after a number of days, tired and dirty. As soon as possible after reaching, I presented myself before the head teacher for assignment to a class. Having been so long without proper food, a bath, and change of clothing, I was like a worthless loafer (游荡者). I did not, of course, make a very favourable impression upon her, and I could see at once that there were doubts in her mind about the wisdom of admitting me as a student. I tried to impress her in all the ways I could with my worthiness. How I wished that I could get a chance to show what was in me. After some time, the head teacher said to me, “The adjoining (隔壁的) classroom needs sweeping. Take the broom and sweep it.”para. 1 It occurred to me at once that here was my chance.para.2 The head teacher went into the room and inspected the floor and closets.01 确定原文主题由于故事情节和主题分析较清晰明了,课上就不用在这里设置问题,直接挖空让学生填写。这个方式能让学生快速调动记忆,梳理关键情节、分析人物形象和确定主题。Summary of the storyDespite being a coal miner, I always had an ambition to go to school. When overhearing about a great school for poor but worthy students, I decided to go their in pursuit of education. Painfully (pain), I had no enough money and had to walk and beg for rides to reach the school. Upon arrival, I presented myself before the head teacher for assignment to a class, but my appearance of a worthless loafer due to the lack of proper food, bath, and change of clothing gave her a poor impression. In a while, the head teacher asked me to sweep the adjoining classroom. Eager to show what was in me, I determined to seize this chance without hesitation.原文关键词理解:首段故事背景介绍中有work out all or a part of the cost of board,很少学生能读懂,它在这里指的是这个学校可以为学生提供全职或兼职工作机会挣食宿费,同时还教他们做生意或其它技能。ThemeWith diligence, hard work and determination, one can overcome any obstacle and achieve one's goals.02 构建情节细节同样用Problem-Solution strategy分析problem (conflict): 我前来求学,但给校长留下不好印象。solution: 完成打扫教室的任务,证明自身价值,获得入学机会。para. 1 It occurred to me at once that here was my chance.1.我开始实施打扫工作(动作描写,涉及运用工具、不同区域)2.搭配心理描写:尽管我劳累但内心坚定不移,从而更加卖力。3.我重新检查打扫情况,强调floor和closet的干净,突出我一丝不苟的态度。4.(过渡)我完成打扫工作,邀请或等待校长检查para.2 The head teacher went into the room and inspected the floor and closets.1.校长检查打扫情况,我紧张等待(神态描写,动作描写,心理描写)2.校长赞扬我的劳动成果,批准我入学。(语言描写)3.我被认可后的反应(神态描写、心理描写)4.(升华主旨,照应标题)通过这次对我能力和品质的考试,我证明了自身价值,通过努力开启我的人生新篇章。批改中我发现从学生习作中发现难点在于续写第一段“没话说”,寥寥两句描述完打扫过程,却忽略了展现“我”信念坚定的心理状态和一丝不苟的品质,以及容易忽略第一段打扫过程与第二段已知首句的衔接。破解办法是……“tap into the previous story”即续写可以充分运用原文语言重新“排列组合”成你的文字,实现情节、主题和任务三方面的“协同”。伏笔1 opportunity协同1 once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 与 given sentence中的 chance 衔接伏笔2 work in a coal-mineI ;was like a worthless loafer协同2强调我"我"在矿地的工作经历,让我吃苦耐劳、一丝不苟的精神合理化,或通过对比a coal miner→a worthless loafer→a worthy student身份的转变加强主旨.伏笔3work out all or a part of the cost of board,and at the same time be taught some trade or industry协同3 用于结尾描述"我"争取入学后的收获.伏笔4I was on fire constantly with one ambition, and that was to go to school.协同4用于描述我打扫教室时信念坚定,一心求学,于是更加卖力.伏笔5 By walking and begging rides in some way,I finally reached the grounds of the Hampton Institute after a number of days,tired and dirty.协同5用于续写第一段心理描写:饿着肚子打扫的时候回想求学之路的艰难,更加珍惜这次机会,竭尽全力做好工作.a surge of power endlessly bursting insideof me用于第二段升华主旨的心理描写:回想历经重重困难后,苦尽甘来,反思先前的努力都是值得的。all the tough labor work down the mine, all the bitter hardship on the road and all my efforts to prove my worthiness paid off伏笔6I could see at once that there were doubts in her mind about the wisdom of admitting me as a student....get a chance to show what was in me协同6在第二段突出校长对我的改观:I could see at once that the precious doubts in her mind disappeared giving way to a an admiring look at me, as if embracing me as a worthy student of hers03 用象征呈现主旨句主旨句有多种展开方式:The sweeping of that room turned out to be an examination of my diligence, carefulness and willpower! I have passed several examinations since then, but I have always felt this was the most rewarding one ever.【反思经历】This was just the beginning of my journey at Hampton Institute, yet it opened a new chapter of my life. More importantly, I was resolved to take full advantage of the enriched life this famous school offered.【展望未来】It was a small victory, but I knew that it was the first step towards gaining her trust and proving myself at Hampton Institute. With that simple task, I had begun to pave the way for my education and future success.【展望未来】04 参考范文 It occurred to me at once that here was my chance. Only by seizing this once-in-a-life opportunity could I get admitted into Hampton. Grabbing the broom firmly, I was on fire to show the head teacher what was in me. Thanks to the previous experience in the coal mine, I had shaped myself into a strong man with an iron will. With a surge of power endlessly bursting inside of me, I swept every corner in the room cautiously and and I was even on all fours checking if there was dust left under the closets. Tired and dirty though, I cast satisfied looks around the room before inviting the head teacher to examine my work results. The head teacher went into the room and inspected the floor and closets. Following her steps, I felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest. After what seemed like a century, she finally finished checking and turned around to stare at me. Drops of sweat wound around my back, itching. Eventually a flicker of smile crossed her face. “Welcome to Hampton. You are admitted,” she said to me. At that very moment, all the tough labor work down the mine, all the bitter hardships on the road and all my efforts to prove my worthiness paid off. Through my first yet best examination, I saw the door to a worthy life was slowly opening to me. Daylight softly poured in. 展开更多...... 收起↑ 资源预览