资源简介 阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。She was the prettiest puppy we had ever seen, and the whole family immediately fell in love with her. We named her Onyx because of her thick, shiny black coat. She spent her first vacation with us when she was only ten weeks old and had her first bath and swim in the St. Lawrence River. We had no clue that this amazing little ball of fur would end up being our hero.As she grew older, Onyx became more and more involved in our family activities. On hot summer days, Onyx enjoyed floating on the river with us in her own rubber tube (橡皮圈). Amazingly standing on the top of the tube, she smiled while showing off her perfect balance. Resting her front legs and paws over the edge of the rubber tube, she kept her eyes shut as she floated until she’d had enough of the warm sun on her black coat. One day, our eighteen-year-old daughter, Margie, announced she was going to swim across the bay. No one in the family was free to go swimming with her. The unwritten rule, regardless of swimming ability, was to have a companion in the water with you, especially when swimming the width of the bay. I was not a good swimmer, so I said to Margie, “Take Onyx with you.” Having heard her name, Onyx woke up from a nap and was ready for action. Margie signed the dog to follow her. Onyx ran to the water next to her. They entered the freezing river together and swam side by side across the bay. I watched from the bank as they reached the sandbar (沙洲) on the far shore. They rested a few minutes before diving into the water for the return trip. I felt uneasy for some reason and continued to watch the pair swim side by side.注意:1、所续写短文的词数应为150左右;2、续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好。Paragraph 1: Suddenly I heard Margie calling out, "I have a cramp (痉挛) in the leg!" Paragraph 2: Seeing the pair approaching the river bank, I breathed a sigh of relief. 情节梗概 ---圣劳伦斯河(St. Lawrence River),河水冰冷(they entered the freezing river together),却敌不过十八岁女儿Margie游泳的热情。因为不成文的家规(the unwritten rule),她不能只身横渡河湾(especially when swimming the with of the bay),所以平衡能力强、游泳本领大(she smiled while showing off her perfect balance)的宠物 Onyx被钦点作陪(Take Onyx with you)。去程平安,返程就在眼前,“我”却莫名不安,这不,水中传来Margie的呼救声:“我的腿抽筋了!”腿部抽筋,意味着溺水的风险陡增,人命关天。但是,第二段段首句"Seeing the pair approaching the riverbank, I breathed a sigh of relief."告诉我们,Margie后来化险为夷,“我”如释重负。那么,是谁救了Margie呢?“我”?不可能,绝不可能,因为"I was not a good swimmer"。其实,原文第一段末早已清楚地提醒我们:We had no clue that this amazing little ball of fur would end up being our hero. 所以,施救者绝无旁人(切记:读续中不要轻易考虑加入新角色),只有Onyx。Onyx凭借自己出色的游泳技术,以及伴主、爱主、救主的强烈意愿而成为我们家的英雄,“人与动物(自然)”的主题也因此得到升华。这里,想提醒少数同学,做英雄不一定必须付出生命的代价,这个故事为何不能是Margie和Onyx双双平安归来,有惊无险,happy ending呢?当然,如果同学们能够把Onyx英勇救主的场面刻画得跌宕起伏、如临其境,那狗狗的英雄称号便更当之无愧了。所以,本故事续写部分的情节思路一目了然:Paragraph 1: Suddenly I heard Margie calling out, "I have a cramp in the leg!"1.Margie's struggle in the water. (My reaction included) 2.Onyx's great efforts to save Margie. (My reaction possibly included)Paragraph 2: Seeing the pair approaching the riverbank, I breathed a sigh of relief.3.Margie's and Onyx's reaction after the successful rescue. (My reaction / Other families’ reaction possibly accepted) 4.Deepened relationship between our family and Onyx, and the theme. 我们再来看第一段段首句:Suddenly I heard Margie calling out, "I have a cramp in the leg!"请问,如何将这句话用镜头语言表达呢?取景框内容:“我”景别:面部特写,关键词uneasy画外:声音入---"I have a cramp in the leg!"景别:面部特写,关键词panic取景框切换:Margie景别:中景,关键词struggling如何描写“我”的恐慌?Panic registering on my face, I could see Margie ... .镜头从“我”无痕切换至Margie,漂亮!Margie因为腿部抽筋,在水中挣扎。我们选择中景,因为从取景框里,我们需要捕捉她的身体部位,如头部、手部等的动作,我们也可能需要描写她身处的环境,如水流、浪花等等,以衬托形势之危急。Panic registering on my face, I could see she was titling her head back, mouth and head above the water. My heart skipped a beat as I spotted her trying to stay afloat. ____________ (无灵主语) as I watched her struggling in the water, face contorting in pain. I was on the verge of __________ when I found Onyx was ______. 最后一个句子可谓取景对象切换的神来之笔---狗狗Onyx隆重登场。Onyx听见小主呼救后会作何反应?她如何刨水、如何靠近小主?她会用自己的橡皮圈吗?她会如何施救、如何协主而归?这个过程是否困难重重?Onyx又如何克服困难?......小榜有太多太多的问题,每一个问题都关系到我们的镜头里会有什么,让我们一一来看:Onyx reacted instantly and started swimming towards Margie with a burst of speed, barking loudly to grab her attention. The little dog reached her just as she was about to slip below the surface. (中近景) _________ Onyx sensed her ________ / the ________, she ____________ (立即行动起来). With ________ strokes, she paddled ___________________ (用尽全力) towards Margie. (中近景)She swam to Margie's side, gently nudging her with her ________ to help ____________. (特写) As Margie tried to keep calm, Onyx positioned herself for her to hold onto. It was _______ to watch Onyx's instincts take over as she dog-paddled furiously against the current, ________ Margie back to the shore. (中近景)Onyx paddled around Margie and barked softly as if ________________. (中近景) She gently nuzzled Margie's shoulder and then positioned herself so Margie could grab onto her rubber tube. (特写) ________________ (倒装句:虽然体型不大), Onyx tried her best to be ________ and ________. Together, they slowly _______________ (前往) back to the shore.(中近景)______ but ______, Onyx guided Margie back toward the shore, inching (themselves) closer to ________. (全景)最后一句的全景也是为了自然过渡至第二段,因为段首句"Seeing the pair approaching the riverbank, I breathed a sigh of relief"实则是全景到“我”个人特写的切换。根据上述写作思路,我们需要在后续的文字里描写Margie和Onyx平安归来后当事人/狗和“我”(或其他家人)的反应,从而实现故事最后的主题升华。一人(特写)、一狗(特写)、一群人(全景),相拥而泣也好(中近景),欢呼雀跃也好(中近景或全景),画面必然是非常美好的。As they reached the shallows, Onyx carefully guided Margie onto the sand, and then immediately ran to her side, licking her face and hands as if to say, "You are safe now."Margie climbed out of the water, a bit shaken yet unharmed. Onyx wagged her tail enthusiastically, soaking up the attention. The whole family came together and erupted into cheers, hugging Margie and giving Onyx well-deserved pats and treats. Margie smiled with gratitude, saying, "Onyx is my hero."Margie staggered to her feet, her cramp gradually ______, ___________ the neck of her ________ rescuer and whispered ____________. (动作链)Onyx sat beside her, her tail thumping on the ground as if to say, "__________." We all hugged the ________ puppy, showering her with ________ and ________. Margie ________ through her shivers and said, "________________________." Onyx barked happily, clearly loving the ________Onyx kept up her steady pace, refusing to ____________ (放开) Margie until they were safe on the shore. The whole family gathered around, offering ____________ and ________ words to Margie as she _______________ (喘气). Onyx, though ________ and ________, seemed ____________ herself, tail wagging and tongue _______________.We all rushed over to help, ________ Margie in a blanket and ________ Onyx, _____________________________ filling the air. (动作链)示范主题句的写作:The incident brought us all closer together, reminding us of the incredible bond between humans and their loyal pets. With her strength and courage, Onyx proved herself to be more than just a pretty puppy; she was our guardian in fur. From that day on, we made sure to involve her in every family adventure, knowing she would always leap into action when we needed her most.最后一句是蒙太奇式的主题升华。“从那天起,我们一定会让Onyx参与每一次的家庭冒险,知道她总会在我们最需要她的时候挺身而出。”读到这里,同学们的脑海里是不是浮现出很多Onyx参与家庭活动的画面:游泳、打猎、徒步......?不同的时空,同样的陪伴,温馨、快乐、和谐、幸福。I couldn’t help but hug Onyx, and plant(ed) a kiss on the nose of this tired yet peaceful little creature, who had worked her own miracle. The sun danced across the bay, painting everything in sight with varying shades of orange. As we bid farewell to this unusual day, we knew a new phase in our bond with Onyx was just beginning. 夕阳西下,橙光满天,幸福的一家人,蹦蹦跳跳的快乐狗狗,携手同行,渐行渐远,直至定格。(人、狗、景,从上到下、由近及远,这样的大场面必然使用全景镜头哦。借景抒情,也是同学们非常熟悉的写作技巧。<日>有终,<情>有始,语言暗含对比,心思巧妙)Someone says, "A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself." Never is this sentiment truer than during a life or death emergency. Thankfully, we adopted her, our brave and loyal hero Onyx. 把这个主题升华表达称为闪回式写法,是出于"we adopted her"这个小细节。读到这里,你的脑海里是不是也会浮现出Onyx第一天来到我们家的画面?初来乍到的小狗好奇不安、无比激动的家人小心翼翼,满屏粉色爱心,biu~biu~biu~,再加上画外音"A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself.",不能更好。The next day, the unwritten rule was found written in bold red letters on the wall at the doorway: Regardless of swimming ability, always have a companion in the water with you, ESPECIALLY ONYX, accompanied by a picture of our dearest hero in her favorite rubber tube in the water.关于小狗的语言描写积累She was the prettiest puppy we had ever seen, and the whole family immediately fell in love with her. We named her Onyx because of her thick, shiny black coat. She spent her first vacation with us when she was only ten weeks old and had her first bath and swim in the St. Lawrence River. Amazingly standing on the top of the tube, she smiled while showing off her perfect balance. Resting her front legs and paws over the edge of the rubber tube, she kept her eyes shut as she floated until she'd had enough of the warm sun on her black coat.Having heard her name, Onyx woke up from a nap and was ready for action. They entered the freezing river together and swam side by side across the bay. I watched from the bank as they reached the sandbar on the far shore. I felt uneasy for some reason and continued to watch the pair swim side by side. 展开更多...... 收起↑ 资源预览