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(共45张PPT)
读后续写指导
如何透过现象看本质？
情节：跌宕起伏
Para.1,
Para.2,
conclusion
阅读以下材料，
完成写作任务
1 Jatin and his younger sister,Neha, lived with their parents in a poor neighborhood.Their mother was very sick and their father was struggling to find a job, and they had only a little money with which to buy food. As they had not paid the rent for several months,the landlord was breathing down their necks(盯着他们）．
2 One day, Jatin took Neha's shoes to a shoe repairman to be fixed. but he lost them on the way home. It wasn't until he got home that he realized he had lost the shoes. He was afraid that his parents would be angry and disappointed,so he begged his sister to keep it secret. Neha agreed and the two decided to share Jatin's running shoes. Neha's school hours were in the morning,so she would wear them first. After school,she would rush back and give them to Jatin. He could then run to his school,which began in the afternoon. Although he ran as fast as he could, Jatin often arrived late and was warned y the school.
3. A long distance race was going to be held for boys in the city. When Jatin learned that the third prize was a new pair of shoes, he decided to take part. He ran home excitedly and promised his sister that he would win her the new shoes.
4. The day of the race arrived. Jatin had a strong start,but halfway through the race he began to get tired and his legs began to ache. Getting more and more exhausted(筋疲力尽）,he thought only of Neha and his promise to her. Dreaming of the new shoes he would win for his sister gave him strength,and he stayed right behind the two fastest runners,determined to finish third. Suddenly,as the finish line drew near, another runner collided(碰撞）with Jatin from behind and Jatin crashed to the ground.
续写两段开头：
Jatin looked up and saw the other boys rushing ahead. ___________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Filled with pleasure,Jatin walked home quickly.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
世界著名认知科学家哈佛大学心理系教授斯蒂芬·平克曾说过：“写作之难，在于把网状的思考，用树状结构，体现在线性展开的语句里。”本次续写虽有进步，但也暴露出些许问题。
续写要读写并重；续写不是另起炉灶；
续写要注意句子数量的分配。现从以下几方面梳理：
一、逻辑问题
续写逻辑可以说是个多视角逻辑，囊括了
1、原文的逻辑衔接；2、段首句的逻辑衔接; 3、续写内容之间的逻辑衔接
二、结尾问题
我们可以把结尾粗略分成三结尾：
1、哲理性结尾 ；2、自然而然的结尾； 3、聚焦景色结尾
三、选词方面 ----用词方面必须注意几个问题：
1、你的语句可读性强吗？
2、语句用词是易懂的还是晦涩的？
3、要学会名词形式的活用或者说能否找到一个足够强大的动词，让 动词独立起作用，从而省略掉副词。
4、用具体代替抽象（Verbs drives sentences whereas nouns slow them down）
例如:
bridge ---连接，沟通
The parents are trying to bridge the generation with their children.
flood---充满
My e-mail box is flooded with junk mail.
father-- 为人父（to beget a child）
He has fathered two children before his remarriage.
summer---去某地度假
we have summered.
friend--交朋友，加为好友
May I friend you
类似的用法还有很多，如：cup,boss,box ,brief ,pride,carpet,cap,picture,brave,ship等
原 文 信 息 知 多 少？
poor
lost shoes
was warned
race for third prize,but...
disqualify the award
got the third
love
1 Jatin and his younger sister,Neha, lived with their parents in a poor neighborhood.Their mother was very sick and their father was struggling to find a job, and they had only a little money with which to buy food. As they had not paid the rent for several months,the landlord was breathing down their necks(盯着他们）．
Background information 1---穷
1. 住在贫民区，母亲生病，父亲没有工作；
2. 有很少的钱，不够支付房租，只够买食物；
3. 从以上两点，我们可以判断，他们不是一般的穷，根本没有能力再拿钱去做别的事情。所以有些同学续写的第二段，说父母还帮买鞋子的事，绝对是瞎扯淡，不符合原文逻辑！
2 One day, Jatin took Neha's shoes to a shoe repairman to be fixed. but he lost them on the way home. It wasn't until he got home that he realized he had lost the shoes. He was afraid that his parents would be angry and disappointed,so he begged his sister to keep it secret. Neha agreed and the two decided to share Jatin's running shoes. Neha's school hours were in the morning,so she would wear them first. After school,she would rush back and give them to Jatin. He could then run to his school,which began in the afternoon. Although he ran as fast as he could, Jatin often arrived late and was warned by the school.
Background information 2---祸不单行，也是加深了下一段想参加比赛的迫切需要
3. A long distance race was going to be held for boys in the city. When Jatin learned that the third prize was a new pair of shoes, he decided to take part. He ran home excitedly and promised his sister that he would win her the new shoes.
Background information 3——妹妹知情，哥哥要去比赛
1.前文提到哥哥把妹妹的鞋子弄丢了。为了获得鞋子，哥哥肯定是要参加比赛的。2.哥哥向妹妹承诺，一定要赢得这双鞋子。所以妹妹是知情的。所以，有些同学后边续写妹妹问哥哥这双新鞋子是哪里来的，也是完全不符合原文逻辑的。
4. The day of the race arrived. Jatin had a strong start,but halfway through the race he began to get tired and his legs began to ache. Getting more and more exhausted(筋疲力尽）,he thought only of Neha and his promise to her. Dreaming of the new shoes he would win for his sister gave him strength,and he stayed right behind the two fastest runners,determined to finish third. Suddenly,as the finish line drew near, another runner collided(碰撞）with Jatin from behind and Jatin crashed to the ground.
Background information 4——第三名化为泡影
Background information 4——第三名化为泡影？
1.从tired和ache以及碰撞摔倒可知有伏笔，Jatin是不可能一开始就如愿以偿，获得第三名的。大部分同学第一段续写，几乎都写Jatin忍着疼痛冲刺，终于获得第三名，显然，不符合本段内容隐含的逻辑（如果能自圆其说，也可以接受，但分不高）
2.正因为他被撞倒了，才有了故事的转折点。这需要我们明白一件事：我们都应该树立正确的三观，要相信比赛的公平公正。对方撞人，肯定属于违规行为，被取消获奖资格，第三名自然落到Jatin身上。当然这也是Jatin万万没有想到的，所以他也算因祸得福，运气不错。
3.有些同学第一段续写提到，那个撞倒Jatin的选手，跟他道歉，并愿意把第三名让给他，也把鞋子给他。请问：比赛这么随意吗？对方撞倒你就是想超越你，他会主动给你？另外，获奖要光明正大，这种名不正言不顺的行为，你会接受吗？
S1：
Jatin looked up and saw the other boys rushing ahead.
He felt too miserable and drowsy. The judge came to Jatin and asked, "how are you " Can I help you Jatin smiled and shook his head. He stood up with all his strength. With their encouragement，Justin ran to the end. He won the fifth place.
Filled with pleasure, Jatin walked home quickly. Jatin said to his sister: he broke his promise.He was about to talk about the experience of the race when judges and journalists entered. They said Jatin won the third place because the boy bumping into him broke the rules. He felt excited at the good news. But the boy didn't even apologize for what he did. In the end, he won a new pair of shoes.
下划线句子显示此学生的段落续接存在逻辑问题。
S1明显在第一段结尾和第二段开头段落链接时出现问题：
Jatin 得了第五名，没有赢得心心念的鞋子，他怎么会高兴呢？和第二段开头Filled with pleasure, Jatin walked home quickly有断点，没有起到承上启下的过渡作用。
另外，第二段才提到Jatin获得第三名，不符合故事发展的
顺序逻辑了。
S2 :
Jatin looked up and saw the other boys rushing ahead. He was surprised and scared, but he didn't think so much. He only thought about Neha and his promise to her. He stood up soon and caught up with the boy in front of him. Dad encouraged him to run forward again and be full of energy. Everyone praised him and cheered him on. He is very cute. And he is getting closer and closer to third place. He showed his youthful perseverance. Luckily he made it. The sun illuminated his bright smile.
无效信息比较多
S3:Justin looked up and saw the other boys rushing ahead.In the meanwhile, he was filled with despair.When he thought of his promise to his sister, he ignored the pain in his leg. He stood up quickly and ran desperately.Unfortunately, he failed to get to third place and he cried sadly.Unexpectedly,the referee gave him the new pair of shoes because of his will of iron .All smiled happily.
段落是一个语义链，段内的句子是其中的一节链，一节必须扣住一节，才能形成连贯。每一个句子都要包含一些和上一句相似或有关的东西，才能借此扣住连接起来。由此段落衔接可从以下几个点进行缜密的织网构思与梳理：
1、段与段之间的衔接依靠上一段最后一句和下一段第一句的意思上 的关联；
2、段与段之间的衔接依靠各段中主题句思想的关联；
3、段与段之间的衔接依靠全文中心思想来串联；
4、段与段之间的衔接靠过渡段的承接或转折。
这种过渡段主要用于一个意思和另一个意思的转折。
一、逻辑问题
续写逻辑可以说是个多视角逻辑，囊括了
1、原文的逻辑衔接；
2、段首句的逻辑衔接;
3、续写内容之间的逻辑衔接
二、结尾问题
我们可以把结尾粗略分成三结尾：
1、哲理性结尾 ；
2、自然而然的结尾；
3、聚焦景色结尾。
Filled with pleasure,Justin walked home quickly.At this moment, he was holding the new shoes in his arms and constantly touching his hands, he had forgotten the pain caused by the injury. When he got home, his sister was shocked when he saw the injury and quickly found the medicine kit to treat. In the face of the pain , Neha cried and was moved by her brother’s actions. She hugged Jatin and didn’t calm down for a long time.
S3的结尾属自然结尾：即顺着所需知识的自然发展，以它的必然结果做结尾，没有套话。回扣这个学生的续写，无论语篇，句式亦或是词语使用上并没有特别加分点，那么最好不使用自然结尾。
美联社国际写作指导布鲁斯·德席尔瓦说：”结尾是你把小说的主旨钉在读者的记忆中并回想数天的最后一次机会。”当你努力向读者描绘你的故事从何而来，也该用同样的力量告诉他们故事将去往何处。用一个精彩的结尾把故事钉在读者脑海，就像往平静的水面扔下一个石子。涟漪所至，就是故事的魅力所在。
如果以哲理性结尾，明显续写故事就在末端和读者有了情感上的链接。哲理性结尾：用凝练客观的语言表述，提升内化文章中心思想，它即能够使续写故事具有思想含量又能够馈赠读者一份精神财富。
阅读下面4种结尾并仔细体会：
1) Although there are unpredictable ups and downs in life, the love between siblings is by far the most permanent and priceless, which helps them brave everything.
2 )Life is not easy for them. Yet they are born with love and tenacity, by which they would always be blessed by God.
3) Neha is no longer afraid of any fear or pain,for the love from his brother is as warm as a spiritual shelter,giving her sufficient energy to brave everything whether it is good or bad.
4 )Apparently there is a tight and warm bond between Jatin and Neha. No matter what difficulty they will be faced with,their tittle ship is bound to get through it and to head to the bank.
批改本班学生作文
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1.Jatin looked up and he saw the other boys rushing ahead. Refusing to give up at this crucial point , Jatin clenched his teeth , jumped to his feet and ran as fast as he could . Finally , he was the fourth one to dash across the finish line. Jatin couldn ' t help sobbing at the thought of letting his sister down . But much to his surprise , the runner who collided with him was disqualified for breaking the rule and Jatin won the third prize. Jatin felt overjoyed and relieved during the award ceremony , holding the shoes close to his chest .
2. Filled with pleasure, Jatin walked home in no time. He could not wait to see his sister and share the good news. On his arrival , Jatin found Neha was walking about outside nervously and anxiously." Neha , see what I have got for you ," Jatin said excitedly , taking the prize out of his bag with his trembling hands. The instant Neha saw the shoes , her face lit up. So thrilled was she that she threw herself at Jatin ," Thank you ! Jatin ." Tears of joy welled up in their eyes as the brother and the sister hugged tightly together.
Thank you!

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