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2023年浙江卷
读后续写
人鸟情未了
这里输入标题
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这里输入标题
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目
录
读懂故事
01
读原文
1 I was invited to a cookout on an old friend’s farm in western Washington. I parked my car outside the farm and walked past a milking house which had apparently not been used in many years. A noise at a window caught my attention, so I entered it. It was a hummingbird (蜂鸟), desperately trying to escape. She was covered in spider-webs (蛛网) and was barely able to move her wings. She ceased her struggle the instant I picked her up.

地点1
地点
2
地点
定语从句
从句
地点
副词
读完第一段→ 一条鱼+ 审题
5 W+ 1 H
Who
Where
When
What
Why
how
I
my friend
a hummingbird
a friend’s farm
a milking house
when I was invited to...
a noise
I enter and found a bird
The window glass was broken.
5 W+ 1 H
how
Theme
续写类型
主角+配角
who
地点
where
时间
when
故事情节
what
为什么要做
why
I
my friend
a hummingbird
a friend’s farm
a milking house
when I was invited to...
a noise
I enter and found a bird
The window glass was broken.
审题
1. 体裁： 记叙文
2. 人称： 第一人称
3. 时态： 一般过去时
4. 主题： 人与自然
两条线
Beginning
Climax/Conflict
Ending
plot line
emotion line
读原文
2 With the bird in my cupped hand, I looked around to see how she had gotten in. The broken window glass was the likely answer. I stuffed a piece of cloth into the hole and took her outside, closing the door securely behind me.
3 When I opened my hand, the bird did not fly away; she sat looking at me with her bright eyes. I removed the sticky spider-webs that covered her head and wings. Still, she made no attempt to fly. Perhaps she had been struggling against the window too long and was too tired? Or too thirsty?
定语从句
adv
adv
adj
介词
短语
读原文
4 As I carried her up the blackberry-lined path toward my car where I kept a water bottle, she began to move. I stopped, and she soon took wing but did not immediately fly away.
5 Hovering (悬停), she approached within six inches of my face. For a very long moment, this tiny creature looked into my eyes, turning her head from side to side. Then she flew quickly out of sight.
方向
定语从句
介词短语
时间
adj
介词短语
adv
adv
读原文
6 During the cookout, I told my hosts about the hummingbird incident. They promised to fix the window. As I was departing, my friends walked me to my car. I was standing by the car when a hummingbird flew to the center of our group and began hovering. She turned from person to person until she came to me. She again looked directly into my eyes, then let out a squeaking call and was gone. For a moment, all were speechless. Then someone said, “She must have come to say goodbye.”
时间
方向
adv
时间
Plot line
发生→发展→高潮→结尾
curious
visited friend’s farm
heard a noise
found a humingbird
caught the bird
found the broken window
stuffed the hole
curious
carried her up
not fly
opened hands
but the bird not fly
calm
hover then fly
when I left, she came
helpless
grateful
tired?
surpried
grateful
读Para 1+2→定情节发展
02
A few weeks later, I went to the farm again. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was just about to leave when the hummingbird appeared. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
读para 1+2→定情节发展
写去农场的相关事
蜂鸟没出现
Plot line
发生→发展→高潮→结尾
curious
visited friend’s farm
heard a noise
found a humingbird
caught the bird
found the broken window
stuffed the hole
curious
carried her up
not fly
opened hands
but the bird not fly
calm
hover then fly
when I left, she came
helpless
grateful
tired?
surpried
grateful
went to the farm again
I was just about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.
positive
negative
读para 1+2→定情节发展
Para 1
A few weeks later, I went to the farm again.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
固定 续写首句
固定 承接下一段的首句
Para 2
I was just about to leave when the hummingbird appeared.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
固定 续写首句
固定 结局/升华主旨
蜂鸟没出现
情绪→消极
蜂鸟出现
情绪→积极
想要蜂鸟出现
要回家，要走了
列大纲
03
列大纲
Para 1 角色： 我 朋友 蜂鸟
Para 1 大意： 我在农场发生的事+ 未看到蜂鸟
Para 1 续写思路：
（1）找出线索，前后呼应 √
（2）见 闻 说 感 做
What did I see?
What did I hear?
What did I say?
What did I feel?
What did I do?
农场的景色
house
path
spider-web
the hold in window
their talk
happy
upset
have a picnic? BBQ? dinner
find the bird
where is the bird?
do they fix the hold?
列大纲
Para 2 角色： 我 朋友 蜂鸟
Para 2 大意： 我看到蜂鸟
Para 2 续写思路：
（1）见 闻 说 感 做 （2）5W 1H
Why did the bird appear?
What did the bird do and feel?
What did I do and feel?
What did my friend do and feel?
What did I get?
miss me?
close to me?
sing? hop?
happy
close to her?
moved?
magic?
人与自然和谐共处？
动物也有感情？
“人与动物”或“人与自然”升华句
1.Kindness/Love makes the world go around.
善良/爱让世界运转。
2.It was a truly heart-warming moment that would never vanish from my memory.
这是一个真正温暖的时刻它从不会在我的记忆里消失
3. This magical cat was changing our lives and this was just the beginning.
这只神奇的小猫正在改变我们的生活，而这仅仅是开始。
示范范文 →积累拓展
04
学生作文：请找出优点和缺点
Para 1
A few weeks later,I visited?the?farm?again.?
With an expresion of joywritten on my face, I huggend my old friend.

Suddenly, I reminded a hummingbird.
I want to know the hummingbird where, but I didn’t found it.
After finding that aflush of sadness washed over me.
I stood up there, my old friend not to attentioned my expression.
We came to farm outside will cookout. I wild with joy with my friend together.
范文
Para 2
I?was?about?to?leave?when?the?hummingbird appeared.?
My fingers clutched car door tightly, with a wave of joy sweeping over me.

With my heart pounding wildly, I came to hummingbird swiftly.
She sat looking at me with her bright eyes.
I gave hand to her, she hopped on my hand. There was apparent shock in my friend eyes. With her head held high looked at me.
I do hope her can found me everyday.
范文
Para 1
A few weeks later,I visited?the?farm?again.?
The same house, the same giantic spider-web, and the same green blackberry path.

“Will the humingbird be the same? Will this lovely and bird be trapped in the web again?
These questions and thoughts popped into my head like strands of spider thread.
With the smell of roasted food wafting in the air, my friends and I chatted and laughed merrily around the picnic table.
It seemed the bird was thrown to the back of my mind.
Soon, the sun began to set and it was time for home.
范文
Para 2
I?was?about?to?leave?when?the?hummingbird appeared.?
She?stopped?on?a?small?twig?in front of me and?studied?me?with?the?same?brightness.

With delight, I held on my fingers for her to rest and we communicated with our half-human, half-bird language.
My teary friends were all deeply touched by the profound bond between a little bird and her saver.
Were there magic power existing in this world? It must be the
universal love that surpassed beyond any species, as was the case with my sacred humingbird and me.

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