资源简介

青岛市2025-2026学年度高三第一学期期末学业水平检测
英语读后续写——解析与范文
【1】写作题目
第二节 (满分25分)
阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。
On a cold winter afternoon, six-year-old Lily in a bright red coat, was playing around the frozen pond behind her house. The ice looked like a giant, smooth mirror in the sun. With a joyful laugh, she stepped onto its edge, sliding carefully at first. She slid more bravely imagining herself a figure skater as the ice seemed strong enough to hold her.
Suddenly, a horrible crack (破碎声) disturbed the quiet. The ice beneath her gave way. The cold pond swallowed her whole. "Help!" She screamed. Her heavy coat was wet and heavy, pulling her down. She struggled in the cold water. However, each time she tried to grasp the ice, it broke. The freezing cold started to replace the panic.
Her neighbor Mr. Jenkins, who was cleaning his driveway next door, heard the crack. His heart beat fast. He moved as fast as he could to the pond. He saw the red coat under the broken ice. "Hold on! I'm coming!" he yelled, lying flat on his stomach to spread his weight. He inched forward, and stretched his arm into the freezing water. He tried to reach the coat. With a strength he didn't know he had, he grabbed Lily's arm and pulled. She was so heavy.
He managed to pull her head and shoulders onto the solid ice, but he could not lift her fully out. He was exhausted, trembling violently from cold and effort. What Mr. Jenkins could do was keep her face above the water. His voice was a desperate call for help.
It was then that a couple, Cruse and Michelle, passed by. They noticed the heart-stopping scene: the elderly man lay on the ice, pulling a motionless child in the cold water. There was no time for a lengthy plan. Every second in that water reduced the chance of survival.
注意：
(1) 续写词数应为150个左右；
(2) 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。
Without hesitation, Cruse dived into the icy pond.
Thanks to the teamwork of everyone involved, Lily was sent to the hospital.
【2】写作简析
题目分析：
材料讲述了一个小女孩莉莉掉进结冰池塘，邻居詹金斯先生施救但未能完全成功，此时克鲁斯和米歇尔路过。续写部分需要围绕克鲁斯跳进池塘后的救援行动以及莉莉被送往医院后的情况展开，要符合逻辑和情节发展。
写作框架：
第一段：克鲁斯跳进池塘后需要描述他救莉莉的具体过程，同时要考虑米歇尔的反应，如呼叫救护车等，使情节完整。
第二段：主要讲述莉莉被送往医院后的情况，包括检查结果以及莉莉家人的反应，最后可以升华主题，强调谨慎和团队合作的重要性。
易错点分析：
1. 情节容易缺乏真实细节
很多学生可能直接写“Cruse把 Lily 救上来了”，但忽略了冰面救援的真实难度，比如冰面脆弱、救援者体力不支、需要多人配合等。比如前文铺垫了“Jenkin先生已经筋疲力尽”，但学生可能忘记在续写里体现他需要依靠Cruse夫妇的帮助，导致情节不合理。
2. 动作描写空泛，画面感不足
学生常常用“Cruse跳进水里救了Lily ”这种笼统的句子，不会用具体动作来塑造画面感。高分需要写“pull with all his remaining strength（用尽最后一丝力气拉）”这种精准的动作细节，学生往往想不到。
3. 情感与心理描写单薄
学生容易只聚焦“救援动作”，却忽略了人物的情绪变化，比如Cruse跳入冰水时的决心、Lily 被救后的虚弱与感激。这些情感细节是让故事打动人的关键，但学生常常一笔带过, 会把我们的主人公写成工具人！
4. 不会呼应前文伏笔，续写脱离原文
原文里的“bright red coat”、“freezing cold”、“Every second in that water reduced the chance of survival” 都是伏笔，学生如果在续写里没有呼应这些细节，就会显得和原文脱节。比如，前文反复强调“红外套”，但学生可能在续写里再也不提这个标志性意象，导致情节连贯性不足。
5. 语言表达单一，缺乏地道短语
学生习惯用简单句，比如“Cruse jumped into the water. He saved Lily.”，不会用“dive into the icy pond”“numbed his limbs”“overwhelmed with gratitude”等更地道的短语和句式。这会让文章显得平淡，很难拿到高分。
【3】范文欣赏
Without hesitation, Cruse dived into the icy pond. The cold water hit him like a hammer, but he ignored the pain and swam quickly towards Lily. He grabbed Lily's other arm, and together with Mr. Jenkins, they pulled her slowly but steadily out of the water. Michelle, on the other hand, immediately called the ambulance and tried to keep the two rescuers warm with her own coat.
Thanks to the teamwork of everyone involved, Lily was sent to the hospital. After a series of examinations, the doctor said that Lily was out of danger, but she needed to rest for some time. Lily's parents were extremely grateful to Mr. Jenkins, Cruse and Michelle. They said that without their timely help, they wouldn't know what would have happened to Lily. This experience also reminded everyone of the importance of being cautious around frozen ponds and the power of teamwork in the face of danger.
毫不犹豫，克鲁斯跳进了冰冷的池塘。冷水像锤子一样击打着他，但他无视疼痛，迅速向莉莉游去。他抓住莉莉的另一只胳膊，和詹金斯先生一起，缓慢但稳步地把她从水里拉了出来。与此同时，米歇尔立即叫了救护车，并试图用自己的外套为两位救援者保暖。
由于所有参与者的团队合作，莉莉被送往了医院。经过一系列检查，医生说莉莉已经脱离危险，但她需要休息一段时间。莉莉的父母对詹金斯先生、克鲁斯和米歇尔感激不已。他们说，如果没有他们及时的帮助，他们不知道莉莉会遭遇什么。这次经历也提醒了大家在结冰的池塘周围要谨慎小心，以及面对危险时团队合作的力量。
表达积累与学习：
“Without hesitation, Cruse dived into the icy pond.”
开篇直接点明克鲁斯的行动，“Without hesitation”体现出他毫不犹豫、果断勇敢的品质，为后文的救援行动做铺垫。
“The cold water hit him like a hammer, but he ignored the pain and swam quickly towards Lily.”
运用比喻的修辞手法，将冷水击打比作锤子击打，生动形象地写出了水的寒冷和冲击力。“ignored the pain”和“swam quickly”突出克鲁斯不顾自身不适，一心救人的决心。
“He grabbed Lily's other arm, and together with Mr. Jenkins, they pulled her slowly but steadily out of the water.”
描述了克鲁斯和詹金斯先生合作救援的具体动作，“slowly but steadily”体现出救援过程的艰难但有序，表现出两人的坚持和努力。
“Michelle, on the other hand, immediately called the ambulance and tried to keep the two rescuers warm with her own coat.”
“on the other hand”与前文形成对比，描述米歇尔在岸上的行动。“immediately”强调行动的迅速，“tried to keep... warm”体现她的细心和关怀。
“Thanks to the teamwork of everyone involved, Lily was sent to the hospital.”
“Thanks to”点明莉莉能被送往医院的原因是大家的团队合作，突出团队合作的重要性，为后文主题升华做铺垫。
“After a series of examinations, the doctor said that Lily was out of danger, but she needed to rest for some time.”
交代莉莉在医院的情况，“out of danger”让读者悬着的心放下，“needed to rest”使情节发展合理。
“Lily's parents were extremely grateful to Mr. Jenkins, Cruse and Michelle.”
描述莉莉家人的反应，“extremely grateful”体现出他们深深的感激之情，使故事更具情感色彩。
“They said that without their timely help, they wouldn't know what would have happened to Lily.”
通过家人的话语，进一步强调救援及时的重要性，增强故事的感染力。
“This experience also reminded everyone of the importance of being cautious around frozen ponds and the power of teamwork in the face of danger.”
升华主题，从这次经历中总结出在结冰池塘周围要谨慎以及团队合作在危险时刻的力量，使文章具有一定的教育意义。

展开更多......

收起↑