资源简介

(共18张PPT)
深圳二模读后续写
（原文再现）Mark had a secret: he couldn’t ride a bike. It wasn’t because he never tried. His father taught him one summer when he was seven. He ran alongside him, holding the seat, and shouting “Keep pedalling(踩踏板)” But Mark’s balance was terrible. He fell into the bushes, and both knees bled. After two weeks of trying, his dad sighed, “Maybe next year.” But that “next year” never came. The childhood shame stayed with him.
Then, he grew up and had a family of his own. He never shared the secret with anyone but his wife, Lena. Most of the time, it didn’t matter. When friends invited him on bike trips, he volunteered to drive and bring snacks. When the kids were old enough to learn to ride, Lena offered to teach him.
But lately, his twelve-year-old daughter Alice and seven-year-old son Bob were planning the first-ever “Family Bike Adventure.” They had picked a campsite (营地) by the lake and mapped a biking route around it. Every night, they’d argue about who would win the family race. Mark smiled through every conversation, but inside, his stomach tightened内心却感到一阵阵的紧张. In every other way, Mark was a perfect dad. He never missed a school event and could fix everything in the house. Admitting he couldn’t ride That was hard.
So he made a plan. After the kids went to bed, he slipped out and wheeled a bike to the empty market parking lot to practise. But thirty years after that summer,his body still remembered nothing. The bike seemed to have a mind of its own, and he just couldn’t control it. His legs shook. His hands ached. Sometimes he would crash into 撞向the wall.
The next day, Alice, a considerate girl, asked about his bruised (淤青的) knees. But he said nothing. After several nights, Lena said to him, “You don’t have to do this. The kids don’t care. No one can do everything.” Mark shook his head. “They think I can. Let me try a little longer.”
One night, after he fell off the bike again, he heard a voice. “Dad ” His heart stopped.
故事原文速览
这篇读后续写的故事围绕主角Mark展开，他是一个在家人眼中近乎完美的父亲和丈夫，但内心藏着一个秘密:他从小到大都不会骑自行车。童年学车的失败经历给他留下了心理创伤。当孩子们计划一次家庭骑行冒险时，为了维持“完美爸爸”的形象，Mark开始偷偷在深夜练习，但屡屡失败并受伤。故事在女儿Alice意外发现他深夜练车时戛然而止，为续写留下了空间。
这篇文章Lena说的话其实就决定了主旨----“You don't have to do this.The kids don't care. No one can do everything."这句话就决定了续写第一段Alice的反应
当然，也决定了Mark其实不应该学会骑自行车。
根据阅卷反馈，很多同学在这道题上失分严重，主要是因为情节设计偏离了主旨。
最大的坑:让Mark学会了骑车
这是最典型的“反题”行为。故事的矛盾在于Mark因不会骑车而产生的内心焦虑，解决方式应该是情感上的和解与释然，而不是技能上的突破。如果续写他最终学会了，就完全违背了原文“接纳不完美”的主旨。有同学就因为写了Mark可以骑一会儿车了，被判定为偏题，分数很低。
重要伏笔2:本次续写第二段给出的首句非常非常重要!!第一，有一组画面的分裂感----一家人都离开营地然后骑车去了，然后Mark留在了营地。他们已经走啦!所以有学生说，Mark迫不及待想让家人看看自己骑车的样子，错！还有紧接着写Mark和家人的互动，也错！大家有没有好奇为什么句子末尾非得加一个happily，这体现了什么
体现了Mark已经释然了，他所有的心结已经在第一段解开了!那么，又有学生好不容易第一段没有反题，没有写他学会骑自行车。但第二段中末尾又写他的孩子不甘心，让他们爸爸再试一次，然后学会了。同学们，人家中年男人好不容易释怀，好不容易治愈了自己童年的创伤，你就让人家开开心心坐在那里不好吗
Para.1: It was Alice, who had followed him out of curiosity.
Alice发现了深夜练车的Mark。情节应围绕父女二人的对话展开。
Mark从最初的羞愧、尴尬，到在女儿的理解和安慰下，终于坦白自己的秘密和恐惧。Alice的反应不应该是嘲笑，而是理解和心疼，并告诉爸爸“我们不在乎你是否会骑车，我们只希望你和我们在一起”
Para.2: That Saturday, when his family went biking, Mark stayed at the campsite happily.
描写Mark释怀后，在营地为家人准备的一切，比如准备食物、布置野餐区等。这体现了他作为父亲的爱与担当。
故事结局:孩子们骑行归来，不是抱怨爸爸不会骑:车，而是兴奋地分享见闻，并表达对爸爸的爱。Mark最终意识到，家人需要的不是一个无所不能的超人，而是一个能陪伴和守护他们的父亲。
范文赏析
It was Alice, who had followed him out of curiosity. She happened to see him leave at night and the bruises on his knees made her worried. “Dad, what are you doing ” she asked. Mark picked up the bike slowly and asked her to sit down with him. Then he told her everything—the summer at seven, the years of excuses, the fear of letting them down. Alice listened quietly. When he finished, he felt a little embarrassed. But Alice just hugged him. “Dad, we don't care whether you can ride,” she whispered. “We just want you to be with us.” Mark hugged her back, his throat tight. “Okay,” he said softly. “Of course, I'll be there.”
That Saturday, when his family went biking, Mark stayed at the campsite happily. He set up the tent, lit the campfire, and started cooking dinner: steak, chicken wings, hot dogs, hot chocolate everything the kids loved. An hour later, the kids came riding back, tired and hungry. “Daddy! I'm starving!” Bob shouted, grabbing a piece of steak. Alice drank the hot chocolate, leaning against him. “You are the best dad in the world,” she whispered. That night, watching his children sleep soundly, Mark smiled. He couldn't ride a bike. But he could take good care of the family. And that was enough.

展开更多......

收起↑